I went to my room last night and was still in the mood I've been in for the past 3 days, alternately crying and feeling very low. I couldn't sleep straight away so I turned on the TV and lo and behold "Philadelphia" was coming on. I love that movie, it has been a long time since I had seen it, so I watched it...and bawled my monkey ass off...
I wanted to wake Damien up if he was asleep and ask him to come over or see if I could come over there, but I was feeling so bad from my muck (I have a double ear infection and a lot of sinus congestion) that I could only lay there and cry. I actually needed that I think in retrospect.
I still felt low this morning, and after my conversation with Maggie (who is also feeling about the same) I'm still feling shaky. my ears are popping and making wierd noises, they gurgle (ewwwww!!) when I blow my nose sometimes, and there is a constant dull ache. My hearing is really fuzzy right now, but I'm taking an antibiotic and that'll hopefully clear it up. Also taking an antihistamine for the congestion and the crud inside my ear canal.
I need a winning lotto ticket and the ability to lighten up at will instead of making myself completely crazed, that's what I need. In spite of how bad I feel physically and emotionally, it could all be much much worse. I have Damien and two whole families of people that love me and I have the greatest friends ever. All in all I think I'm pretty damned lucky.