Brad Smith (jesus_h_biscuit) wrote,
Brad Smith
jesus_h_biscuit

Open Letter To Mama Nature

Dear Mother Nature,
You ragged fucking whore. You, you, you absolute nightmare bitch trollop from hell.

YOU.

You and your fucking tree sperm can kiss my big, white, hairy faggot ass - and I hope a hair gets stuck in your teeth.

Thanks to you, I'm having to double up on my allergy medication so that I don't turn the goddamned loft into a sea of snotty, phlegmy, saliva-y ooze like it was telemarketer quota time on Pavlov's day out. You, Madam, are a raging menace to membranes everywhere and if there is any justice in the world, any at all, then the horny rape vines from The Evil Dead shall find you and have their beastly way with your seething, vacuous, dried up old cooze.

Also, fuck your hurricane handiwork too. Because in a few of months, after I've sneezed and coughed my cranium inside out and sustained a thousand nosebleeds, I'll have that bullshit to contend with.

You are SO not invited to my birthday party.

Just but hate,
jesus_h_biscuit
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