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Open Letter To Mama Nature 
29th-Mar-2007 03:24 pm
Dear Mother Nature,
You ragged fucking whore. You, you, you absolute nightmare bitch trollop from hell.


You and your fucking tree sperm can kiss my big, white, hairy faggot ass - and I hope a hair gets stuck in your teeth.

Thanks to you, I'm having to double up on my allergy medication so that I don't turn the goddamned loft into a sea of snotty, phlegmy, saliva-y ooze like it was telemarketer quota time on Pavlov's day out. You, Madam, are a raging menace to membranes everywhere and if there is any justice in the world, any at all, then the horny rape vines from The Evil Dead shall find you and have their beastly way with your seething, vacuous, dried up old cooze.

Also, fuck your hurricane handiwork too. Because in a few of months, after I've sneezed and coughed my cranium inside out and sustained a thousand nosebleeds, I'll have that bullshit to contend with.

You are SO not invited to my birthday party.

Just but hate,
29th-Mar-2007 07:31 pm (UTC)
If I were an actual doctored psychologist, I'd say you had serious mother issues.
29th-Mar-2007 07:43 pm (UTC)
Brilliant. As soon as I am done with law school, I am filling the People v. God lawsuit (breach of contract, fraud, intentional infliction of physical and emotional distress, genocide, unfair and decetive trade practices, etc.). Anyway, you have just convinced me to add Mother Nature as a co-defendent.
29th-Mar-2007 08:02 pm (UTC)
(Deleted comment)
29th-Mar-2007 09:01 pm (UTC)
I want him to have my babies
29th-Mar-2007 10:58 pm (UTC)
30th-Mar-2007 05:50 am (UTC)
man, all these people lining up who want to have babies. Not me. I want him have my abortion. I think we need to the church involved, too.
30th-Mar-2007 01:57 pm (UTC)
no no no. *I* don't want to have any babies. I was kind of hoping he would have mine.

Or maybe my boyfriend could knock him up. That would be hot, too.
29th-Mar-2007 07:53 pm (UTC)
Seconded! Only I'm mad at the grass, not at trees. Give us a few weeks, though, and drmoonpants will be mighty mad at them too.
29th-Mar-2007 08:03 pm (UTC)
We're actually cutting down all the pine trees in our yard.

No, I'm not kidding.
29th-Mar-2007 08:41 pm (UTC)
One might almost suspect you have strong feelings about this.
29th-Mar-2007 08:59 pm (UTC)
but do I get to come?
29th-Mar-2007 09:40 pm (UTC)
dearest biccie..

*crys* please dont hate mother nature...

i have a suggestion, passed on to me by a healer friend of mine. i hope you like honey... if so its a good idea to have some,as often as poss, from local beas..the idea being that they feed on local plants..and thus some stuff from those plants goes in to the honey and your body learns to not cause a fuss when it come in to contact with them.
and non capsule codliver oil, allegedly.
feverfew also helps.

(spect youve tried it all.. sorry)

anyway.. hope this helps, hope ya feel better
29th-Mar-2007 11:01 pm (UTC)
exactly...and if its raw and unprocessed, even better! this also works great if you are allergic to bees...cuts down on the allergies to the stings (but ONLY if you eat it raw and unpasturized)

great advice!!!

love, light and laughter, Vesta Morgaine
29th-Mar-2007 11:18 pm (UTC) - *response from Mother Nature*
Hey Jude,

Don't make it bad. Take your sad song, and quit whining...

How dare you?!? If it were not for my 'fertility' and sharing that with all I have created, you would not have the world you live in now. Your race (the human race) would cease to be. My 'tree sperm' as you call it, is what gives you the shade you like to sit under, my rains are what provides you with the water you need FOR YOUR FUCKING EXISTENCE! I provide the materials for your shelter and for the foods in which you feed your greedy-ass you nitwit!

Now...just deal with it ok you little fuck? With all you people do to me...this is NICE compared to that! One of these days I'm going to shake my back and get rid of all of you fleas that infest my grassy armpits and then where will you be? WHINING YOUR ASSES OFF ONCE AGAIN ABOUT SOMETHING YOU *THOUGH* WAS *MY* FAULT!

Have you ever thought with all the pollution that you and people like you cause, the rape of all the resources I provide for you MIGHT BE A FUCKING PUNISHMENT?!?

Now quit your piddly-ass little whining and suck it up ok? Oh wait. You would enjoy that wouldn't you? Sucking it up. Now why don't you bend over and let me shove a tree up your ass?

Your birthday party will probably be all proper and boring anyway, so thank you for not inviting me.


(note: this is NOT the opinion of martonsmistress and is only meant for fun to any who would take offence to this)
30th-Mar-2007 04:14 am (UTC) - Re: *response from Mother Nature*
30th-Mar-2007 04:31 am (UTC) - Re: *response from Mother Nature*
*grins* couldn't resist LOL.

30th-Mar-2007 03:22 am (UTC)
::dies laughing::

What the hell, I'm a happy frustrated celibate. If I'm not having sex right now, I'll be happy other things are--even the trees! Go forth, happy trees! Be joyful and fuck each other silly!

. . . you are so going to defriend me for this, aren't you? Please don't. I have Flonase! I'll share! ;)

30th-Mar-2007 07:55 am (UTC)
Oh, gurrrl, she's gonna make you HURT!
31st-Mar-2007 12:01 am (UTC)
Everyone I know in Georgia seems to be suffering from allergies right now.

Yes, it sucks.

Yes, eat lots of local honey (and grass and tree flowers) ... actually, I used to be incredibly allergic to everything, but somehow in my old age, I've grown out of them. I consider myself very fortunate. I am south of y'all in the Caribbean right now where there doesn't seem to be a pollen season as such. Thinking about it .. the only place where people are complaining right now seems to be .. Georgia. What you wrote made me laugh though .. pore ol' Ma Nature .. to be so reviled ..

*hands you a few packs of your antihistamine of choice*
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