Two glasses of merlot and a trip on the external hard drive to see what files I've forgotten I have, and I find lots of pictures and video from when my babies were with me every day. I'm listening to Avery in her broken baby talk and remembering it all. I'm thinking of the time I saw her a few weeks ago when she cornered me in the kitchen and said "Why can't you live with me anymore, I miss you so much all of the time..." This was also the night she gave me 23 different "I love you just because" hugs and kisses.
I cannot get over the feeling that I have failed those children, and the guilt of that is eating me alive. I have got to have more one-on-one time with them. This is killing me.