Brad Smith (jesus_h_biscuit) wrote,
Brad Smith
jesus_h_biscuit

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A Conversation I Was Part Of With 2 Members Of The God Squad

This took place on my way home from work while I stopped at a gas station to put gas in my car. I was standing at the counter in a line of people (4 others before me, two behind) waiting to pay for my fill up. The following is a rough draft of the conversation:

Christ Nazi 1: "Can you believe the nerve of this guy?"
Christ Nazi 2: "I know, it's making me madder and madder everytime I look at TV!"
Christ Nazi 1: "Well, I just think it is shameful that he's claiming to be God..." (gets cut off by Christ Nazi 2)
My Silent Inner Logician: "Oh here we go..."
Christ Nazi 2: "Lord, honey - I liked to have died when I heard that!"
Christ Nazi 1: "Something or other was written on one of those Devil cards, that tarot nonsense? I don't fool with none of that stuff - that's not something a good Christian woman like myself would bother with."
My Silent Inner Logician:"Can you feel that? That's the big vein in your head threatning to pop..."
Christ Nazi 2: "I've never even heard of that before until I saw it on the news..."
Christ Nazi 1: "Well, I think it is a disgrace that anyone would go and shoot up a bunch of innocent people in the first place - but to say that you're God Almighty and then do such a thing?" (looks over to me nodding while speaking as if to incite my agreeance, assuming I'd comply)
Me: "Actually, that sounds just like God. I mean the whole murdering of the innocents thing and all."
Christ Nazi 1: (looking blankly and yet stunned at the same time) "I beg your pardon young man?"
Me: "It's well documented in mythology that God flooded the earth after commissioning a raging alcoholic to build an ark and save certain species, and murdered by drowning the others left behind - to say nothing of his own child - don't even get me STARTED on THAT one..." (cuts me off)
Christ Nazi 1: "Are you serious?" (throws a condescending look of disapproval)
Me: "Absolutely! And on the top of it, the whole ark thing is such a complete farce, it never could've happened. You'd have to be a moron to think it could have."

At this point I paid my $10.00 and left the Amoco station. She shouldn't have looked over at me and nodded her head, man - then all would have been just fine!
Tags: bitchslaps
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  • 24 comments

  • MRI Images

  • Peace From Broken Pieces

    Yesterday morning while trying to face being me right now (and that shit ain't easy, trust me) and have the courage to get out of bed and motivate…

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