Brad Smith (jesus_h_biscuit) wrote,
Brad Smith
jesus_h_biscuit

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A Conversation I Was Part Of With 2 Members Of The God Squad

This took place on my way home from work while I stopped at a gas station to put gas in my car. I was standing at the counter in a line of people (4 others before me, two behind) waiting to pay for my fill up. The following is a rough draft of the conversation:

Christ Nazi 1: "Can you believe the nerve of this guy?"
Christ Nazi 2: "I know, it's making me madder and madder everytime I look at TV!"
Christ Nazi 1: "Well, I just think it is shameful that he's claiming to be God..." (gets cut off by Christ Nazi 2)
My Silent Inner Logician: "Oh here we go..."
Christ Nazi 2: "Lord, honey - I liked to have died when I heard that!"
Christ Nazi 1: "Something or other was written on one of those Devil cards, that tarot nonsense? I don't fool with none of that stuff - that's not something a good Christian woman like myself would bother with."
My Silent Inner Logician:"Can you feel that? That's the big vein in your head threatning to pop..."
Christ Nazi 2: "I've never even heard of that before until I saw it on the news..."
Christ Nazi 1: "Well, I think it is a disgrace that anyone would go and shoot up a bunch of innocent people in the first place - but to say that you're God Almighty and then do such a thing?" (looks over to me nodding while speaking as if to incite my agreeance, assuming I'd comply)
Me: "Actually, that sounds just like God. I mean the whole murdering of the innocents thing and all."
Christ Nazi 1: (looking blankly and yet stunned at the same time) "I beg your pardon young man?"
Me: "It's well documented in mythology that God flooded the earth after commissioning a raging alcoholic to build an ark and save certain species, and murdered by drowning the others left behind - to say nothing of his own child - don't even get me STARTED on THAT one..." (cuts me off)
Christ Nazi 1: "Are you serious?" (throws a condescending look of disapproval)
Me: "Absolutely! And on the top of it, the whole ark thing is such a complete farce, it never could've happened. You'd have to be a moron to think it could have."

At this point I paid my $10.00 and left the Amoco station. She shouldn't have looked over at me and nodded her head, man - then all would have been just fine!
Tags: bitchslaps
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