I'm at work, running Open House Party. I'm remembering the past year and some of the fun I've had doing this show when coworkers came to hang out and what not, and how much different my life is in general since I started working here. Mostly I've been thinking about Damien and I.
The truth is that I have no idea what I did to be as lucky as I am where he is concerned. He's absolutely one of the best things that has ever happened to me and partly because of his goodness and his loving energy I never feel like I'm adequate enough. I don't know sometimes how to match all of the love and affection he gives me, I never had any real experience with that before so it's hard to accept it. I've been raised by people who talked incessantly of love and affection but it was all lipservice. My parents should have raised cobras, not children. Over the years I've learned how to do without it and not require it. Damien does need it, and I don't give him enough. Maybe it's beacuse I don't know how, maybe it's because I'm chickenshit and I'm still waiting on him to wake up one day and decide that I'm not worthy of him. That's what I know after all, giving love to those who didn't bother giving back. Now someone does and it scares the hell out of me. Maybe I'm just stupid as all hell.
This I know: he would walk into fire unafraid to grab me by the hand and lead me out of it. He would stand beside me even if he disagreed with me completely and wave my flag if it was what I wanted. He would give me his last dime if I needed a quarter and go bust his ass to get me the fifteen cents - and knowing that I had what I needed would leave him broke, he wouldn't have it any other way. He would try his hardest to be there for me without knowing any idea of what to do.
It goes without saying that I would do the same for him in any given instance. I would beat the everliving shit out of anyone who even looked at him in a threatning way. I'd die to protect him and keep him from harm. I'd do anything I was able to do if it would make him happy and bring a smile to his face.
I'm going to spend time tomorrow taking pictures of him for his website, and I'm going to post them here once I get them edited. I have got the ideas for what I want to put on film of him, I just have to get him posed for it. My goal is to get on film what I see when I look at him. Maybe then you'll have a better understanding of why I love him like I do.