This has been quite a week so far, let me tell you! I've waited for a few days just watching it all unfold in front of me before writing about any of it.
He's come back to me a very different man. He's considerably more comfortable and confident, and even more talkative and affectionate. He made some internal adjustments that were necessary in order to make his contribution to "Us" stronger, and somehow in doing so has made himself relax more than I've ever seen him.
Where he used to be somewhat uncomfortable in this relationship, feeling it was odd, feeling that it was something that he did not deserve, he now tells me that it feels normal to him. That I myself feel normal to him, that being with me is pure and right. He said he was in awe that I saw enough in him to stick it out through his "growing pains" as he called them. I told him that we both did what we had to do for the time being.
He's felt guilty for the toll this took on me and has even offered apologies for it, but I told him that it was nothing to apologize for. To begin with, it was my conscious choice to stand by him, I did what I felt I had to do of my own volition. And the truth is that I never gave up hoping that it would work out as it did. I never believed in my heart for a second that this was either a permanent situation or one that wouldn't play itself out in time. Sometimes you just KNOW things and cannot explain how you know them. In cases like that, it's better to trust yourself and keep that faith alive however you have to. That is what I did, and the payoff was definitely worth it.
Nothing that affected me negatively over the past few weeks matters to me now, because there are rewards for digging in your heels and taking a stand. You may not know exactly how to do it, or may not be as graceful as you hoped you would be sometimes, but you do the work that is necessary.
I'ts my motto in life... There is never a perfect time or even a right time, but there is ALWAYS a better time.
- Music:Do What You Have To Do - Sarah McLachlan