Brad Smith (jesus_h_biscuit) wrote,
Brad Smith
jesus_h_biscuit

WOOHOO!! Mythmas/Giftmas Carols!!

I have a music post of my favorite holiday music coming up later on, but for now I thought I'd post these gems. They're reworked lyrics to classic Christmas carols, only now they're godless and more fun.

It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
It came upon a midnight clear, a thought so incredibly bold.
I realized I'd been taken in by all that I had been told.
I looked at all the religious strife, the conflicts in every land;
And suddenly, it was clear to me that God was made by Man.

For only Man could make a god as cruel and vindictive as he;
And if you doubt what I'm saying here, just read the Bible and see.
This god of mercy, this god of love is childish and vengeful and cruel.
He acts a lot like a kid I knew, the bully in my old school.

The Bible, hardly the word of god, was written by mortal hand.
It's filled with fables, with myth and lies to comfort primitive man.
Peace on the earth will never come until we take a stand:
Quit praising gods that don't exist, and help our fellow man.


O Come, All Ye Faithful
O Come, all ye faithful, sinful and despondent.
O Come ye, O Come ye FROM Bethlehem.
Come to your senses, Christ is but a fable.
O Come, let us ignore him.
O Come, let us ignore him.
O Come, let us ignore him, Christ the lord.

Sing, choirs of humans. Sing in exultation.
Sing, all ye citizens of earth, here and now.
Glory to Man, to Nature ever bountiful.
O Come, let us ignore him.
O Come, let us ignore him.
O Come, let us ignore him, Christ the lord.

Reason, we greet thee, born this happy morning;
Born of the powers in the mind of Man.
End superstition, all that's metaphysical.
O Come, let us ignore him.
O Come, let us ignore him.
O Come, let us ignore him, Christ the lord.


There Is No Hell
(Sung to the tune of 'The First Noel')

There is No Hell, No Judgment Day;
No matter what some Fundamentalists say.
No Firey Pit, No Suffering, No Blame,
No one to Condemn and Consign you to Flame.

No Hell, No Hell, No Hell, No Hell.
Sing and be Joyful, there is No Hell.

There is no Sin, No Adam and Eve,
No Serpent that talks, as we're taught to believe.
No Fall, No Cain, No Ark, No Flood,
No Savior to save us, when washed in his Blood.

No Hell, No Hell, No Hell, No Hell.
Sing and be Joyful, there is No Hell.

There is no Creed, No Religion that's True.
And it's time for believing in Me and in You.
We're all we have.With death it all ends.
Can't we all work together and try to be Friends?

No Hell, No Hell, No Hell, No Hell.
Sing and be Joyful, there is No Hell.


Silent Night
Silent night, filled with light.
All is calm, all is bright.
Man, the infant motherless child,
Wrapped in Nature, sweet and wild.
Sleep in comfort and peace.
Sleep in comfort and peace.

Silent night, star so bright,
Wish I may, wish I might
Give to all, especially Youth,
Love of Reason, Love of Truth,
That the world may have peace.
That the world may have peace.

Silent night, endless night.
All Mankind---end the fight.
Stop the hatred and bigotry, too.
Take my hand as I reach for you.
Brothers, living in peace.
Brothers, living in peace.


Solstice Tribute
(Sung to the tune of O, Little Town of Bethlehem)

O, shining star of solstice time,
Your radiant hours are few.
You turn and strike the New Year's chime.
We owe our lives to you.
These darkest days of winter,
We miss your warming rays;
But every year this hemisphere
Returns to brighter days.

Since olden days the human race
Has feared your warmth would die.
The evergreen is ever seen
As hope we will survive.
O, ancient drums, stop beating,
And superstitions fall !
It's time for Reason's Greetings,
For peace, goodwill to all.


Away With the Danger
(Sung to the tune of Away in a Manger)

Away with the dangerous lies we've been told,
Of deities, virgins, and streets paved with gold.
Beliefs are the products of primitive minds.
Try asking some questions; and answers you'll find.

The answers you find may upset you at first;
But you can't ignore them. For knowledge, you thirst.
Although it's more painful, it's better to know
That the Bible can't help you -- it just isn't so.

So, where do you turn when you're lost and confused?
Look into your own mind. It's time it was used.
Responsible people have always known,
To be strong in this world you must stand on your own.

You're better off knowing just where you stand.
The promise of heaven is built upon sand.
There is no tomorrow, so live for today;
And help all your brothers you meet on the way.


Harken to the Songs We Sing
(Sung to the tune of Hark, the Herald Angels Sing)

Harken to the songs we sing.
Joy and hope and love we bring.
Peace on earth to every child.
Man and Nature reconciled.
Joyful, all ye nations rise.
Join the triumph over lies.
All together, now proclaim:
We are one, and all the same.
Harken to the songs we sing.
Joy and hope and love we bring.

Put aside your tribal ways.
Sing, no more, your hymns of praise.
There is nothing more divine than
Man and Nature, intertwined.
Look to science, look to reason;
End this supernatural season.
Stop believing mindless things.
Stop living life as underlings.
Harken to the songs we sing.
Joy and hope and love we bring.

Look around and you will see
Pain and human misery.
Wasted time you can't afford;
Kindness is its own reward.
All religion is a cancer.
Humanism is the answer.
Life is brief, but if you can,
Pause to help your fellow man.
Harken to the songs we sing.
Joy and hope and love we bring.


Joy to the World
Joy to the world, Bill Nye is come.
Let earth receive her king.
Let every mind prepare him room,
And science and nature sing,
And science and nature sing,
And science, and science and nature sing.

Joy to the world, the S. guy reigns.
Let men their songs employ.
While fields and floods,
Rock, hills, and plains
Repeat the sounding joy,
Repeat the sounding joy,
Repeat, repeat the sounding joy.

No more let faith and ignorance flow
From dogmas all around.
He comes to make our intellects grow,
Far as the curse is found,
Far as the curse is found,
Far as, far as the curse is found.

He rules the world with truth and fact,
And quite a gift of gab,
The glories of his scientific knowledge,
And wonders of his lab,
And wonders of his lab,
And wonders, and wonders of his lab.

Joy to the world, Bill Nye is come.
Let earth receive her king.
Let every mind prepare him room,
And science and nature sing,
And science and nature sing,
And science, and science and nature sing.


O Come, O Come and Listen As We Tell
(Sung to the tune of O Come, O Come Emmanuel)

O come, O come and listen as we tell,
How man invented God and Heav'n and Hell;
How superstition, born of his fear,
Still plagues us in this current year.
Rejoice, Rejoice, It's time to now dispel
The myths and fables that we know so well.

The world was not created in six days,
And man was never conjured up from clays.
Creation is the priesthood's pact,
While evolution is accepted fact.
Rejoice, Rejoice, It's time that people knew
Conflicting tales in Genesis won't do.

That hateful myth of Adam and of Eve
Gave woman cause through history to grieve.
Until that wicked lie had its birth,
The mother goddess ruled the earth.
Rejoice, Rejoice, reclaim your rightful place.
No longer be a subjugated race.

The world was ne'er consumed by global flood.
The chimp's our nearest relative by blood.
The virgin birth and Trinity
Are far too supernatural to be.
Rejoice, Rejoice, It's time to realize
That Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are lies.

O come, O come and listen as we tell,
How man invented God and Heav'n and Hell;
How superstition, born of his fear,
Still plagues us in this current year.
Rejoice, Rejoice, It's time to now dispel
The myths and fables that we know so well.


O Christmas Tree
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
How murderous and wasteful
To end your life so carelessly,
So thoughtless and distasteful.
We carry on traditions vile,
To honor Superstition's child.
O Christmas Tree, I feel for thee,
How murderous and wasteful.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
How brittle are thy branches.
It matters not (a damn)* to me
You came from farms or ranches.
In parking lots you waste away.
That's where you spent Thanksgiving Day.
O Christmas Tree, it saddens me,
How brittle are thy branches.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
I oftentimes am wond'ring
How beautiful this world could be,
If Man would cease his squand'ring.
He listens well when "Profit" sings,
With no respect for living things.
How beautiful this world could be,
I oftentimes am wond'ring.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
This year it is official:
To show my deep regard for thee,
I'm buying "artificial."
I'll work for change, I promise thee,
For only Man can save a tree.
Long life to thee, O Christmas Tree,
I'm buying "artificial."

*For use with children, (one bit) may be substituted for (a damn).


The World of Richard Dawkins
(Sung to the tune of: "God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen")

The World of Richard Dawkins
Is a place where you will find
A scientific plethora
To stimulate your mind.
Expand your intellectual side;
Leave ignorance behind.
O, tidings of knowledge and truth,
Knowledge and truth.
O, tidings of knowledge and truth.

He came from out of Africa,
As did we all, it seems.
His work has made the world aware
That we have selfish genes;
And thoughts that we hold sacred
May turn out to be just memes.
O, tidings of knowledge and truth,
Knowledge and truth.
O, tidings of knowledge and truth.

A meme by definition
Is a virus of the mind.
The Bible is a favorite source
For stories of this kind,
Which glorify a watchmaker who
Turns out to be blind.
O, tidings of knowledge and truth,
Knowledge and truth.
O, tidings of knowledge and truth.

The phenotype extended
Is a novel point of view.
It shows us what our genes affect
Beyond just me and you.
The world at large responds
To what our DNA can do.
O, tidings of knowledge and truth,
Knowledge and truth.
O, tidings of knowledge and truth.

The river out of Eden
Flows along the banks of time.
It carries information
Down a long, unbroken line.
It's possible your DNA
May someday mix with mine.
O, tidings of knowledge and truth,
Knowledge and truth.
O, tidings of knowledge and truth.

In climbing Mt. Improbable
Your chances may look bleak.
Perhaps around the backside
Is the very thing you seek --
A gradual slope that leads you
Ever onward to the peak.
O, tidings of knowledge and truth,
Knowledge and truth.
O, tidings of knowledge and truth.
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