sillyPresident Declares War on Masturbation - "Operation Infinite Purity" is Cleared for Takeoff
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In other news this morning, Recently Unearthed Javy Lopez Picture Declares Braves' Pitcher 35% More Javylicious!
REMARKS BY PRESIDENT BUSH TO NANCY REAGAN ON THE OCCASION OF HER TRANSFORMATION INTO A BLOODTHIRSTY FETUS MURDERER
FIRST LADY TO CHILDREN OF SESAME STREET: JESUS CHRIST CAN AND MUST KILL THIS AIDS MUPPET
ASPIRING LESBIAN COSMONAUT JOINS PRESIDENT BUSH TO DECRY RAMPANT DISCRIMINATION WITHIN RUSSIAN SPACE AGENCY
PRESIDENT BUSH'S LABOR DAY ADDRESS TO COLLECTED MEMBERS OF THE KOREAN DELI & FRUIT STAND OWNERS ASSOCIATION
MEMO FROM ATTORNEY GENERAL ASHCROFT TO THE NEWS MEDIA CONCERNING NATIONAL SECURITY ORDER #1-545-7b
PRESIDENT BUSH DEFENDS ANN COULTER FROM SLANDEROUS LIBERAL ALLEGATIONS OF TRANSSEXUALITY
PRESIDENT'S PLEDGE TO AMERICA'S SENIORS: FULL MEDICARE COVERAGE FOR PREVENTATIVE EMBALMING & CREMATION
PRESIDENT RELEASES COMPLETE LIST OF OFFICIAL NICKNAMES FOR AMERICAN AND WORLD LEADERS
PRESIDENT'S STATEMENT DECRYING DEMOCRATIC HATE CRIME LEGISLATION AS BLATANT DISCRIMINATION AGAINST GOD-FEARING KLANSMEN
PRESIDENT RESPONDS TO TERROR REPORT FUROR: "BILL CLINTON WAS ALSO WARNED. PLUS, HE PORKED THAT FAT JEWISH INTERN"
PRESIDENT PROMOTES COMPASSIONATE CONSERVATISM TO POOR, COLORED, CRACK-ADDICTED DEATH ROW INMATES
PRESIDENT'S EARTH DAY REMARKS TO NEVADA TODDLERS AT THE YUCCA MOUNTAIN NUCLEAR WASTE FACILITY
PRESIDENT BUSH CALLS ON WORLD'S ARABIACS TO ABSTAIN FROM BLOWING THEMSELVES INTO DOG FOOD
PRESIDENT PUTS U.S. CATHOLICS ON NOTICE: "EITHER YOU ARE WITH US, OR YOU ARE WITH THE CHILD MOLESTERS"
FORMER SECOND LADY MARILYN QUAYLE DECLARES JIHAD AGAINST "PAP SMEAR" SEX RITUAL
PRESIDENT DELIVERS INCONTROVERTIBLE DENUNCIATION OF DEMOCRATIC FAIRY TALE OF EVOLUTION
PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH DELIVERS A VERY SPECIAL MESSAGE TO AMERICA'S WELFARE FETUSES
PRESIDENT: "I DID NOT HAVE IMPROPER RELATIONS WITH THAT WOMAN: MISS ENRON"
PRESIDENT: CONGRESS WILL RAISE TAXES "OVER MY DEAD MEXICAN POOL BOY"
PRESIDENT ANNOUNCES INNOVATIVE PROGRAM TO FEED AMERICA'S NEEDY
