Met the new owners of the station last night, they were great and I'm very excited. Everyone seems to be more relaxed and eager for the changes, I think the collective feeling is that we're finally going to be what we should have been all along.
Biking on the Riverwalk last night was fun, but you have to read Mom's joural for the best part! ::my sides sche still from laughing my monkey ass off:
I got an email from Paige last night and forwarded it to Maggie as she mentioned Mags in the email to me. I'm posting it along with Maggie's response to her (she said everything I wanted to say, so I didn't reply to Paige myself) in the link at the bottom of the page here. I want to save the rest of the page for my own thoughts for you all, for Paige, for John, and anyone else who might read this. Here goes...
Nothing is perfect in life, and you don't always have to know what you're going to do next. I say all the time that there's never a perfect time or even a right time - but there's always a better time. I'm not crucifying anyone for their mistakes, I'm just not going to pretend like I think the ones you make deliberately are acceptable when they're not. We all have choices and options - maybe not the ones you wanted or planned on - but we still have them. I love Paige and John, but they are both victims of the choices they made. While I will not apologize for having standards and principles for what I consider acceptable human behavior that I refuse to compromise on, I want nothing but good for both of these people whom I've grown to love.
I'm not going to be put through the frustration of dealing with anyone who doesn't take responsibility for their life and act in their (or their children's) own best interests like they're supposed to. It is common sense that you do what you can to make your life better, it is no one's job to do it for you. If you're on a mission to destroy everything that is good in your lives, you can do it without me because I'll be goddamned if I'm going to sit and hold your hand while you do it. I will not be guilted and I will not have my sympathetic side exploited. Bottom line, I do not condone, accept, or enable self destructive behavior - especially when you're bringing other people (who are trying to help you out) down with you. I'll drop your ass flat in a minute before you do it yourself, because if you don't care about yourself how the hell can you expect me to?
Maybe you think me separating myself from you was easy. Let me assure you it is not - it is agonizing, to tell you the truth. I miss you both, but I cannot and will not listen to the same things over and over - nor will I be played for my emotions to keep enabling your bullshit. My love is unconditional, my friendship and respect is not. Question my sincerity, question the depth of my friendship, accuse me of being insulting - it makes no difference to me. If I said it, I meant it and I have nothing to defend, justify, or apologize for. It is my hope that a day will come soon when all of us can live an active part of each other's lives - but for Paige and John, you've got to bring your standards for living up closer to ours for that to happen.
I have decided that your forgiveness is not something I need to go on with my life. I know that getting back together with asshole was a mistake but it was my mistake to make. i do not need someone in my life who will turn his back on me because they do not agree with MY choices. There are things I do not agree with that you do but I would never turn my back on you. I am glad for the time I knew you and I hope you get all that you deserve in life. I will always love you and me and the kids will think of you often, but life is to short to wonder if what i do will cause you to be my friend or not. One other thing - I do not think I will forgive you for what YOU did. No one will ever take my kids. You do not have that much power. Maybe one day our paths will cross and we can talk. I do love you and Maggie but i will not say i am sorry anymore.
After much thought and consideration, I feel like it is finally the time to respond to you. Yes, I did read the email you sent to Brad, but it is not the reason I'm writing. Let me start by saying that I love you and your children always, and what I have to say is from the honest depths of my heart.
I think you have a warped sense of what friendship is all about. Being a friend is not about supporting someone beyond all reason. Sooner or later, everyone has to make choices about who they will and who they will not socialize with--what they will or will not condone. The whole "Casey thing" was A LOT more than a mistake. You intentionally and knowingly endangered yourself and your children. You turned your back on our friendship a long time ago because he told you to, but want me to be waiting around when things turn sour. That is not what frienship is about. I know you have heard of tough love. Everyone has their limits. Over the course of your relationship with Casey, you tested mine and went over the edge.
The danger and inappropriate living situation that you subjected those beautiful children to is unforgivable. I have to tell you that I have lost respect for you as a friend, a woman, and most of all as a mother. Subjecting yourself to that kind of abuse is one thing, but to place Sean and Shannon in the position of fearing for your safety is disgusting. That is precisely why I also talked to Pat. He seemed to be the only one using any common sense and I will always stand by the assertion that the children's safety and happiness comes first. If that means they are taken away from you and all of your bad decisions, so be it.
Then there's the issue of trust. I let you stay in my home. You took my time, my energy, and my compassion, and stomped all over it. You made promises to me--promises in your best interest--and then you immediately broke them. Yet I am supposed to trust anything you say? Now is different? Now you're serious? How can that be? I really don't understand. Once trust is broken, it takes time to get it back. In the email you sent to Brad, you said you were tired of begging for forgiveness. Begging isn't what I want. I don't want to see you beg anything of anyone. I want you to understand that what I want is time--time to see that you really CAN make a decision that benefits you and your kids and STICK TO IT. Time to see that you really do mean what you say and that you value friendships enough to be true to your word and not lie and take advantage of people's sympathies. I want to see you with the strong backbone of a mother who is confident and alive. You owe that to all of us and especially to yourself.
All of that being said, I do love you. I wouldn't put this much energy into this if I didn't--I hope you believe that. I miss you, and I am not quite sure how to remedy this situation. If it is important to you, I hope you do some real soul-searching and come up with a game plan to make your life better. You don't have to constantly tell people that they were right and you were wrong. You don't have to apologize anymore. Just come up with some solid answers and take the steps to fix yourself. Set your priorities. You said before that they were screwed up for a long time--ask yourself whether they really are right now. Getting rid of Casey is only the first step--you always have to live with you.