Story & Text By Staff Writer Jude Bennett
LYNCHBURG, VA - It was an ironic twist of fate when a surprisingly coy Richard Cunningham, III, (19, of Lynchburg) was apprehended with a spray can of black acrylic paint in the alley behind the downtown nightspot "Den-O'-Sin", a cavorting place reported to have a large (if not exclusive) homosexual clientele; allegedly scrawling otherworldly messages and cryptic pentagonal inscriptions on the nightclub's outside walls.
Authorities also apprehended two additional suspects caught fleeing the scene of the dastardly drive-by "Devilling"; were one Steven Austin (also 19, a fellow Lynchburg native), and one Edward Haskell (20, origin of location unknown as of press time).
All three suspects are graduate students of Jerry Falwell's Liberty University in Lynchburg.
The three suspects' intentions were unknown, however one piece of graffiti view by this reporter read "Satan Is Queer! Get Rite With God"
Little is known about the suspects, aside from bit parts in the popular television commercial advertisement for the modern gospel compact disc "Songs 4 Life", where the three are seen during the clip for "Shine Jesus Shine" with tear streaked faces and open hands held up in what appeared to be either a state of rapture or genuine communication with the the Almighty.
The diety was unavailable to discern the difference as of press time, and no contact number was made available.