Brad Smith (jesus_h_biscuit) wrote,
Brad Smith

A Confession

I have to get this off my chest again, for some reason I'm scared not to. It's pretty serious - I'm not even kidding. I was brought out of sleep around 3AM with intense stomach/lower intestinal cramps, and before you ask, NO - we don't have a gerbil named Lemmiwinks. Seriously, I thought I was going to wind up in the ER because it wouldn't quit and damned near had me in tears because it hurt so bad. I ran doubled over to the bathroom and spent almost 20 full minutes in there giving unholy birth to a Golgothan the size of Cleveland. Actually, I think it might have eaten Cleveland, but I digress.

At any rate, I was forced to ponder what might be causing this distress. I eat very healthily and even take fiber supplements, I drink a lot of water, limit my caffeine, what-the-fuck? Then, in a blinding flash it occurred to me what must be the blame for this horrifying event...

The goddamned Scissor Sisters, that's what! I really, really but REALLY fucking hate them. I've listened to them under forcible duress until I was convinced that this 'music' was being stored in my subconscious cranial cache in some secret folder that I couldn't ever find, let alone delete. I got three songs deep into the first album before my teeth leapt out of my mouth, turned around, and began chomping on my brain - at which point it was clear that the insanity must end. It never occured to me that I'd have to fear for my life while this stuff came back to haunt me somehow, and I never would've thought my resistance could have manifested itself in such a mortifying way. Be still my raging bile duct!

Now before all you Sisters fans reading this trade in your sense of humor for a phone call to the gay mafia (The Mo'fia, if you will) to come and subject me once AGAIN to the sonic equivalent of Sylvester dry-fucking the Bee Gees while a Yamaha home organ twitters in the background, I ask that you simply take this poll and ram it up your asshole and make your opinion known:

Poll #857984 Scissor Sisters - The New Music Revolution -or- Shameless, Talentless, Lackluster Electronica Faggotry?

As far as the Scissor Sisters are concerned, my thoughts are:

I love them, I adore them, they're one of my favorites!
I love them, I adore them, they're one of my favorites, and you're a giant asshole if you hate them!
I like taters.
They're okay, but really - I just want to fuck Baby Daddy.
They're fucking horrible, and frankly I cannot understand the appeal.
I can't get past the clothes.
Scissor Sisters? Huh?
I think they're fun, 'nuff said.
Apathy, sweet apathy.

None of the options above are suitable for my answer, therefore I shall posit my thoughts in a text entry:

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