Brad Smith (jesus_h_biscuit) wrote,
Brad Smith
jesus_h_biscuit

You might be a Republican.

Are you a Republican?
by Larry C Johnson

I once considered myself a Republican. In light of the record of the Bush Administration and the Republican controlled congress, I can no longer claim to be a Republican. Now we have George “AWOL” Bush and his sidekick, Dick “Five-Deferment” Cheney calling Democrats who question their failed Iraq strategy, “cut and runners”.

Meet Tammy Duckworth, Democratic candidate for Congress from Illinois and combat veteran. Tammy lost both legs in a helicopter crash. Hearing the charge that she wanted to cut and run, Tammy said:

"Well, I didn't cut and run, Mr. President. Like so many others, I proudly fought and sacrificed,; Duckworth said. "My helicopter was shot down long after you proclaimed 'mission accomplished."

Ask yourself the following questions and decide, “Are you a Republican?” (and my apologies to Jeff Foxworthy)

If you enjoy shoplifting while working at the White House, you might be a Republican.
You may not recognize Claude Allen's name, but you've probably seen his face in photos, a little off to the side, a few steps away from the president. As George W. Bush's top domestic-policy adviser, Allen stuck close to the boss. He was Bush's frequent companion on Air Force One, and helped stage-manage issues like Social Security and education. A born-again Christian (his wife home-schools their four kids) and credentialed conservative (he got his start as an aide to Sen. Jesse Helms), the 45-year-old lawyer was regarded as a man on his way up in Republican politics. Party leaders, always on the lookout for conservative black candidates, pegged Allen as a future congressman or senator. (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11786648/site/newsweek/)

(Note: Allen pled guilty in September 2006-- http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/08/04/AR2006080400919.html)
If you enjoy soliciting teenagers and children for sex over the internet, you might be a Republican:
Congressman Mark Foley. Republican Rep. Mark Foley resigned yesterday after the exposure of several sexually suggestive messages he sent to underage boys. Mr. Foley, a Florida Republican and chairman of the Missing and Exploited Children Caucus, led efforts to overhaul sex-offender laws, apologized in a brief statement that did not mention the electronic correspondence with the former congressional pages. (http://washingtontimes.com/national/20060930-010821-5764r.htm)

Randall Casseday. Metropolitan Police today charged the director of human resources at The Washington Times with one count of attempting to entice a minor on the Internet. Randall Casseday, 53, was arrested at 9:45 p.m. yesterday in the 1300 block of Brentwood Road NE, where police said he had arranged to meet who he thought was a 13-year-old girl. He had actually exchanged Internet messages and photographs with a male police officer posing as a girl. (http://washingtontimes.com/metro/20060927-054303-9103r.htm)

Brian J. Doyle. The deputy press secretary for the U.S. Department of Homeland Security was arrested Tuesday for using the Internet to seduce what he thought was a teenage girl, authorities said. Brian J. Doyle, 55, was arrested in Maryland where he lives on charges of use of a computer to seduce a child and transmission of harmful material to a minor. The charges were issued out of Polk County Fla. (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2006/04/05/department-of-homeland-se_n_18517.html)
If you enjoy sending other people’s children to war while your kids go to college and hang out in bars, you might be a Republican:
On August 2, day two of the summer terror scare, Jenna and Barbara Bush had to go to midtown. . . .Later, Miller invited the whole group, about a dozen of them by now, back to his loft farther down Bond Street, where they drank wine that someone had brought from their dad’s wine cellar. The party continued till 3 a.m. or so, which made it kind of an early night for the twins, who have been known to shut down meatpacking-district clubs like the tiny, exclusive Bungalow 8. Once, at that club, Jenna saw Joey co-star Jennifer Coolidge and a few friends in a banquette across the way. “I loved you in Legally Blonde 2,” gushed Jenna (Coolidge played Reese Witherspoon’s hairdresser confidante). http://newyorkmetro.com/nymetro/news/rnc/9699/
If you start a war in Iraq while lying to the American people that Saddam was tied to Osama Bin Laden, you might be a Republican.

If you failed to complete your own National Guard service and your Vice President received five deferments to avoid service in Vietnam, but accuse political opponents who challenge your failed foreign policy in Iraq of being cowards , you might be a Republican.

If you call dark skinned people Macacas and Niggers, you might be a Republican.

If you ignore intelligence community warnings that Bin Laden is determined to strike inside the United States, you might be a Republican.

If you follow policies that squander a budget surplus and create an $8.5 trillion dollar budget deficit, you might be a Republican.

If you expose the identity of an undercover CIA officer in charge of tracking down Iraqi weapons of mass destruction, you might be a Republican.

If you believe the President should be entitled to jail, without recourse to Habeus Corpus , anyone he decides is a threat, you might be a Republican.

After careful consideration, I realize that I lack the moral bankruptcy, cowardice, and fiscal recklessness to call my self a Republican. I've decided, I am an American.
  • I for one firmly believe that if you rig or steal elections, you are a Republican.
  • And don't forget the pimping of religion to show that you're a Republican.
  • If you are the Party of Lincoln (the Lincoln Group, I mean....), you are a Republican.
  • If you think the Katrina victims living in the Astrodome had things working out quite well for them since they were poor anyway, you might be a Republican.
  • If you're a child molester who approves of torture - you're probably a Republican.
  • If you use elements of Homeland Security to track down political opponents (Tom DeLay) you might be a Republican.
  • If you would impeach a sitting President for lying about consensual sex but applaude a president who wants to torture you might be a Republican.
  • If you promote incompetance and malfeasance and show disdain for reality you might be a Republican.
  • If you think you have the right to decide how people die in their own homes or who they should marry, or tell them they have no choice in the matter of medical procedures, you might just be a Republican.
  • If you subpoena comatose people to the Capitol, you may just be a Republican.
  • If you tell others you cannot marry the ones you love because you are gay while you're cheating on your spouse, you may be a Republican.
  • If you think you have the right to decide to force a young girl who was brutally raped or a female who's life is in danger because of pregnancy, you may be a Republican.
  • If you believe that having the appearance of integrity is more important than actually having integrity, you may be a Republican.
  • If you do not KNOW the difference between the Sunni and the Shiite, you might be a Republican.
  • If you think that it's okay for a man to say he's a marine, which he's not, runs internet gay military themed prostitution sites and acts as an appropriate journalist in the White House Press Conferences, you may be a Republican.
  • If you think it's okay to use tax payer money to pay off journalists to write your fascists ideologies as fact and it's not propaganda, you may be a Republican.
  • If you think a Sears Store Detective becoming the #3 man at the CIA is the best man for the job, you may be a Republican.
  • If you think that borrow and spend is superior to pay as you go, you might be a Republican.
  • If you believe that the US Constitution is "just a piece of paper", you might be a Republican.
  • If your philosophy of life can be summed up in these 6 words: "I've got mine so fuck you," you're almost certainly a Republican.
  • If you imagine that you see all of your own worst flaws in everyone but yourself, you're probably a Republican.
  • If you think you have the right to require librarians to reveal the books that a citizen has checked out, you might be a Republican.
  • If you think it is a felony if the librarian tells anyone, you might be a Republican.
  • If the enemy has launched an attack from Afghanistan and you decide that the best way to counterattack is to launch a war in Iraq, you might be Republican.
  • If one of your stated goals is to reduce federal spending to such an extent you can drown the federal government in a bathtub, and you then once in power you vastly increase the size of that same government bureaucracy and run up the largest federal deficit in history, you might be a Republican.
  • If your client is an "Indian" tribe which runs a casino and you use your political connections to get a competing indian casino closed, and then overbill the second indian tribe to help re-open their casino which you just helped close, you might be a Republican.
  • If you're the leader of a christian family values group which rails against the evils of gambling, and then accept large bribes to use your religious group's influence to re-open aforesaid closed "Indian" casino, you might be a Republican.
  • If you're gay yourself, but lead an effort to get anti-gay amendments placed on 11 state ballots in order to influence a national election, you might be a Republican.
  • If one of your stated goals is to reduce federal spending to the extent you can drown the federal government in a bathtub, and then an American city drowns...you might be a Republican.
  • If you think the Geneva Conventions are "quaint", you might be a Republican.
  • If you think a blowjob is more horrifying than 2500 dead American soldiers and billionaires urinating on the constitution ... you might just be a Republican.
  • If only 1% of the population is called upon to fight a war based on lies, while the rich are given tax breaks and the rest of the population is told to go shopping...you might be a Republican.
  • If you're older than 8 and you don't have a cleft palette but you can't say Nuclear, you might be a Republican.
  • If you excercise regularly but you regularly fall off your bike sober, you might be a Republican.
  • If you've ever choked yourself unconcious on a pretzel while sober, you might be a Republican.
  • If you lead a presidential impeachment over a blowjob while you're about to divorce your cancer stricken, hospital confined wife to marry your mistress, you might be a Republican.
  • If you sell 90 tons of cutting edge arms to your Nation's enemies so that you can funnel fund drug lords who are trying to overthrow a leftist Central American Democracy, you might be a Republican.
  • If you sell chemical weapons precursors to a Dictator who you later invade (TWICE) after you've forced him to stop Chemical Weapons production years earlier, you might be a Republican.
  • If you'd take a compliant Dictator over a popularist democratic leftist any day of the week , you might be a Republican.
  • If you'd push poll lies about other people in your political party to win at any costs, you might be a Republican.
  • If you oppose Affirmative Action because you think "merit" should be the only factor in college admission or employment, while YOU got into Yale with a "C" grade average because your father and grandfather went there, you might be a Republican.
  • If you think that pouring hundreds of billions of dollars into Iraq to foster a civil war is more important than securing the airport and port immediately south of my home in
  • Los Angeles, you might be a Republican.
    ...and my personal favorite:

  • If you think that defeating any and all amendments that try to put sanity to Republican lobbyist written bills in Congress and blame the Democrats for having no ideas, then you might be a fucking asshole with a 28% approval rating.
Tags: public service announcements, republicans
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