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Breaking Down 
20th-Aug-2006 03:47 pm
All of my strength and bravado aside, I just broke down and bawled for the umpteenth time in a week - for many reasons, mostly because I'm just incredibly stressed, frustrated, and hurt - and I really just needed the release. I'm not done, either - I can feel it. Damien holds me and lets me babble through my tears and sobbing, reassures me that I'm okay and he's there for me and it's going to be just fine in time, which is exactly what I need in general - especially from him.

NO idea how I got so lucky, none.
20th-Aug-2006 09:25 pm (UTC)
Maybe you just need a little pill to help level you out a bit. There's nothing wrong with a little medicinal help, when needed. I'm feeling better since I did. :)

*Big Hugs*
20th-Aug-2006 10:10 pm (UTC)
Word! there is no shame in taking 'medicine' to get over very hard times.

For the first time in my life, two weeks ago I was prescribed Klonopin/Clonazepam because I was having panic attacks at the job I just left. it was either that or cry, lose complete control and kill someone, or two. I figured taking a pill was best and it helped me immensely.

I got a new job and a new attitude, without shedding a tear... BUT, my body and mind cried instead.
20th-Aug-2006 10:35 pm (UTC)
Hey...Klonopin is a stronger drug than what I was meaning. It can be habit forming, and for that I can understand you saying "my mind and body cried instead". Your panic attacks must have been very intense, as this drug also treats seizures.

I was speaking of a milder, different class of drug, that helps with depression...like an SSRI, for serotonin. I took one for almost a year and it really helped me help myself get through it all.
20th-Aug-2006 10:55 pm (UTC)
"Hey...Klonopin is a stronger drug than what I was meaning."

Sorry for implying that Klonopin is something that AB should take, I guess I was just saying that in my case, when I was at my wits end recently and was acting out when I should have been crying, it is good to cry instead, but sometimes medicine, like anti-depressants, will definitely help.

And my doctor did explain that this is addictive and after realizing that it has helped me in the past two weeks and now that I am removed from the stressful situation, I am tapering myself off this medicine now.

sorry for the confusion.

21st-Aug-2006 12:09 am (UTC)
What's the source of the stress, frustration and hurt feelings?

Glad thedigitalhost is there for you. I'm here for you virtually, but that's nothing compared to someone being there in person. Also glad you are someone who can release all that pressure. I know plenty of people who keep it al bottled up--not good.

Oh, yeah, in case you have "no idea" how you got so lucky, you can still find entries in his LJ on how he met you. :)
21st-Aug-2006 01:16 am (UTC)
I wish I were as lucky as you, though. I have a great guy, but he lives two hours away (I'm away at school) and if I cry, I'm on my own....I'm lucky to get even comforting words from him...because the only thing he knows to do is hug me, he never knows what to say.
But things will get better....They're already great if you have someone to lean on.
21st-Aug-2006 02:34 am (UTC)
So sorry to hear you're having these problems, but happy you have someone to help even if it's just holding you and letting you cry it out.

Sometimes when I'm at my lowest I find that just letting it all go and bawling like a baby is the best medicine. It releases a lot of pent up emotions.

I'm sending lots of good vibes your way & Hugs coming too!

21st-Aug-2006 03:28 am (UTC)
I'm truly sorry. A lot of this is my fault. I'm trying to get the help I need and maybe I won't have to lean on you so much. This seriously bothers me now.
I'm truly sorry.
21st-Aug-2006 05:54 am (UTC)
I'm sorry. :( I'm glad that you have Damien and the ability to let it out. What a wonderful gift, eh?

Hang in there, you always get through it.
21st-Aug-2006 07:57 am (UTC)
Better out than in. You're lucky you have Damien - the person I want to cry on is 4,000 miles away.
*hugs you and hopes you'll get through this phase soon*
21st-Aug-2006 05:01 pm (UTC) - This makes my ass tingle :)
23rd-Aug-2006 11:29 am (UTC)
well...I still got you
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