Brad Smith (jesus_h_biscuit) wrote,
Brad Smith
jesus_h_biscuit

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Nothing Like A New Coat Of Paint

I decided that it was time for me to revamp the look of my journal, the old screaming-down-from-heaven blue shock was played out and I wasn't feeling it anymore. I'm content with this new layout - until Winter comes along and I'll most likely change it again...

I feel good today, in part because it was nice and cool outside this morning at 4:30 when I woke up, and also because between Damien, Mom, and a little watching artistry over the shoulders of those two on my part, the wedding website project is pretty much completed - which means no more annoyances from the pit of anal retention - but slap me if I get sentimental.

I feel very centered today, I think in part that is because I've chosen to let go of a lot of internal strife and anxiety I've felt about tomorrow being one year since September 11th. Today I'm trying to relive just how carefree I was this same day last year, when I would have thought about going home and only feeling good about that. Now I'm heartbroken at the mere thought of going. I cannot imagine driving, flying, or even riding a train into Manhattan, because for as long as I can remember I would use the towers as my own lighthouse to gauge how far away I was. There is no way to be in New York and exist there with a knowledge of the World Trade Center towers and not be acutely aware of them all the time. Their size, their grandeur, the fact that you cannot look up from most anywhere in the tri-state area and not see them. They were the sundial for the city, you could determine the time of day and even the season from the shadow casted down from them.

Tomorrow is going to be hard for us all, and I would very much like a big turnout for the candlelight vigil tomorrow evening. Having one last year made me feel a lot better and made me redefine why I love this community and the support of good friends and family. With everything I've learned and seen in a year as a result of what happened, I need that same sense of love and commonality again to balance out my emotions tomorrow.

Hope to see you all there...
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