Have you ever had a date that was so irretrievably bad, you were willing to gnaw off a vital extremity in order to hasten its end?My response: Ah yes, Señor Quaff - the man who was so meticulous about his mop that I spent more time watching him comb, brush, and smooth his hair over dinner that we barely spoke. Quite possibly the most vain person I'd ever met, bar none.
I really like my left arm, but I'd gladly leave it behind if I thought the ambulance ride would get me away from this... person.
Cut to the evening when we were fucking - he wouldn't get on his back to bottom, as I was 'messing up his hair!' and that would not do. On his knees was no good because he couldn't see me. We resorted to me lying down and him riding me until he skeeted all over the place, then promptly went to sleep. No worries, though - as soon as I knew he was out, I stood over the side of the bed to quietly rub one out, and came all in Señor Quaff's hair. I then took the last two Percodan from his medicine cabinet as payment for the evening, and made last call at the bar near my house.
What about you?