Brad Smith (jesus_h_biscuit) wrote,
Brad Smith
jesus_h_biscuit

Here's a list of things I plan to change when I become Emperor. If you have something you'd like to suggest, by all means comment.

  • Jackassery, asshattery, and any other form of blatant stupidity will be punishable by public flogging - three strikes and it's a death penalty, I'm not fucking around
  • Beauty pageants, like TV evangelism, will be a thing of the past, having been banned with great shame
  • READILY AVAILABLE Socialized Health Care
  • Abuse of children &/or animals will be punished in the grand tradition of an eye for an eye
  • Rape and molestation will be automatic death penalty offenses*
  • I will bring back public hangings - on the steps of courthouses nationwide, televised
  • Public school systems will be completely overhauled, complete with appropriate sex education
  • As part of sex ed in school, a filmed abortion procedure will be shown as a means of promoting sexual responsibility
  • Parents who neglect their children will be held accountable
  • Brewster's, Haagen Dazs, and Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream - free on Fridays
  • Twice daily siestas
  • Churches will be taxed
  • Free broadband and wireless for all
  • Breakfast, lunch, and/or dinner available at any time of day in any restaurant
  • Sheet sets will not cost an arm and a leg, and will not be less than 400 thread count
  • The carrying of small dogs in purses will be banned
  • Paris Hilton, Fred Phelps & cultists, Jessica & Ashlee Simpson, Scientologists, you get the idea - all banished to Montserrat
  • Public service workers (teachers, EMT's, firefighters, & law enforcement) paid a decent salary
  • All recreational drugs will be legalized and taxed
  • Racism will be aggressively stomped out
  • Marriage equality
  • Politicians and lobbyists to have lower salaries but paid reasonably
  • ANYONE with the last name "Bush" denied entry into politics
  • Elected officials sworn in on the bible to protect the US Constitution - NOT sworn in on the US Constitution to protect the bible
  • Reckless drivers will be publically humiliated
  • Fat free/sugar free foods will be made to taste exactly like their fat and sugar laden contemporaries
  • Any presidential candidate will have to have served in the military and lived on welfare and in government housing for a minimum of 1 year
  • Anyone caught bringing small children into movie theaters will be fined considerably, and slapped repeatedly in addition to heavy fines if its a horror movie
  • Television psychics will be banned
  • The Patriot Act, as well as all other stupid pieces of legislation, will be declared null and void
  • Cars will all run on hydrogen and be affordable
Will add more as the ideas come to me, or as the comments dictate and I find admissible.
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  • MRI Images

  • Peace From Broken Pieces

    Yesterday morning while trying to face being me right now (and that shit ain't easy, trust me) and have the courage to get out of bed and motivate…

  • The Most Beautiful Heartbreak

    Now and again something finds you when you most need it. Sometimes, if you're really lucky, that thing will open your eyes in a way they've never…