Brad Smith (jesus_h_biscuit) wrote,
Brad Smith
jesus_h_biscuit

I don't believe in God, I only believe in the Devil, even though I know he's dead.

I just woke up a few moments ago from another nightmare, another one about HIM. One of these days, this bullshit will stop. I woke up kicking and crying and scared to death and practically jumped out of the bed, scaring the hell out of D in the process. I'm okay now, about 15 minutes have passed and I'm getting my bearings. My muscles are sore and my throat is on fire from heartburn, which I usually get when I'm upset for some reason. I did my silent/to myself "I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay" chanting and now I feel kind of numbed out.

Here it is - I know now what it would take to get me to believe in God. HE would be alive again and I could kill him myself with my bare fucking hands in a public place and anyone looking on would know why and applaud me for it.

I'm okay.
Tags: abuse, nightmares
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  • 24 comments

  • MRI Images

    …

  • Peace From Broken Pieces

    Yesterday morning while trying to face being me right now (and that shit ain't easy, trust me) and have the courage to get out of bed and motivate…

  • The Most Beautiful Heartbreak

    Now and again something finds you when you most need it. Sometimes, if you're really lucky, that thing will open your eyes in a way they've never…