Brad Smith (jesus_h_biscuit) wrote,
Brad Smith
jesus_h_biscuit

I don't believe in God, I only believe in the Devil, even though I know he's dead.

I just woke up a few moments ago from another nightmare, another one about HIM. One of these days, this bullshit will stop. I woke up kicking and crying and scared to death and practically jumped out of the bed, scaring the hell out of D in the process. I'm okay now, about 15 minutes have passed and I'm getting my bearings. My muscles are sore and my throat is on fire from heartburn, which I usually get when I'm upset for some reason. I did my silent/to myself "I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay" chanting and now I feel kind of numbed out.

Here it is - I know now what it would take to get me to believe in God. HE would be alive again and I could kill him myself with my bare fucking hands in a public place and anyone looking on would know why and applaud me for it.

I'm okay.
Tags: abuse, nightmares
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