I just woke up a few moments ago from another nightmare, another one about HIM
. One of these days, this bullshit will stop. I woke up kicking and crying and scared to death and practically jumped out of the bed, scaring the hell out of D in the process. I'm okay now, about 15 minutes have passed and I'm getting my bearings. My muscles are sore and my throat is on fire from heartburn, which I usually get when I'm upset for some reason. I did my silent/to myself "I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay" chanting and now I feel kind of numbed out.
Here it is - I know now what it would take to get me to believe in God. HE
would be alive again and I could kill him myself with my bare fucking hands in a public place and anyone looking on would know why and applaud me for it.