I really, REALLY want to believe in you and I know you want that to. Since you brought it up, I have a favor to ask. If you could find the time, and I know that you're a very busy ...guy?... whatever, could you please fucking killsmite the fuck out of rapture the following people, for a start, as that would really assist you in your campaign towards making me devout:
James Dobson, Phyllis Schlafly, Tom Delay, Louis P. Sheldon, the entirety of the Fred Phelps cult, Rick Santorum, Jerry Falwell, Benny Hinn, ALL of the staff at Fox News (except for poor little Alan Colmes), Ann Coulter, Roberta Combs, Sadie Fields, Rod Parsley, Paul & Jan Crouch, Alan Keyes, Tim & Beverly LaHaye, Michelle Malkin, John Hinderacker, The entire Bush family, Toby Keith, Sue Burmeister, Nancy Schaefer, and William Donahue. Oh, and Pat Robertson and Pat Buchanan. And let's not forget Stephen and Irene Bennett, the past school board of Dover, Pennsylvania, and the principals, board, and donors to "The Discovery Institute" and the Thomas More Law Center.
Please check up on this blog (I know you read it, don't lie) as I'm sure I'll be adding several more people to this list.
Also, thank you for bunnies. And baby duckies. And ice cream.