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On Coming Out 
11th-Oct-2005 10:36 am
I make this post in honor of my friends bigfundrew and solauris, who have shown more bravery and character in the past year of their respective journeys than most people I've ever met in my lifetime. You inspire me and I love and adore you both immensely for it, perhaps one day I'll find a way to prove it.
For those of you who don't know already, today is National Coming Out Day. I'm taking this opportunity to post links to previous entries that I wrote in the hope that it would inspire people who felt ostracized or otherwise cut off from the rest of us. With organizations like PFLAG and HRC urging people to be who they know they are, to live fearlessly and honestly, I think back to myself at age 15 when I chose to come out having no resources available to me whatsoever.

I'm glad things are different now and have changed so drastically in the 19 years. I've lived without the fear of what people might think about me or the fear of rejection, and I'm a better man for all of the struggle it took to get me here. It is necessary to be who you know you are. I know it is difficult for many and not a choice to be made lightly, but we all have a responsibility to ourselves to BE our authentic selves. It's too goddamned hard working to maintain living a lie when you don't have to, and we all deserve to be happy and fulfilled. So for all of you in this struggle with self identity, know that I've been where you are - we all have - and I'm telling you now, no prison is as hard to survive as the one you put yourself in. Maybe you've done it so long you think it's working for you, but it isn't and you have to know that. You've already done the hardest part, and that is making yourself miserable to keep everyone else content and happy, but you deserve some of that for yourself you know. Be strong, and let me know if there's anything I can help with.


  • Take a stand! (17th-Feb-2004)
  • Reagan Is Dead, I Will Shed No Tears. (7th-Jun-2004)
  • On November 20, 1995, Steven Powsner, died of complications from AIDS at age 40. He had been President of the New York City Lesbian and Gay Community Services Center from 1992-1994. This letter was written by his friend, Matt Foreman, Executive Director National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (17th-Jun-2004)
  • For Gabi and for Bill, with all of my love and respect (20th-Oct-2004 )
  • "If a bullet should enter my brain, let that bullet destroy every closet door in the country." - On Harvey Milk, Coming Out, Pride, and the Love of My Friends & Family (9th-Jun-2005)
  • That's MISTER Faggot to you. If you never read another post in my journal, please read this one in its entirety. (8th-Jun-2005)
  • More on Harvey Milk (3rd-Mar-2005)
  • On Gender and Normality, whatever the hell THAT is. (14th-Jun-2005)
  • A Questionnaire For All You Heterosexuals - Because I care about you and I want you really think about this lifestyle and its consequences. (5th-May-2004)

Read these posts at your leisure, link to them, point them out for others to read - knock yourself out, speak your own truth.
11th-Oct-2005 02:56 pm (UTC)
I'm excited to hear what happens at my daughter's school today. She goes to a really progressive public school that is known for being a safe haven for GLBTQ kids and this is the day a lot of kids do their sort of ceremonial coming out and everyone congratulates them and makes them cards and stuff. It's like another planet up in there.
11th-Oct-2005 02:59 pm (UTC)
11th-Oct-2005 03:00 pm (UTC)
I have to figure out what I am first before I bust out and declare myself SOMETHING to a family who seemingly has NO sexual preference/interest etiher way whatsoever. Good grief, I mean, even if I came out saying, "I like to be in the presence of women, but I like riding the bone just as much," or in the immortal words of Marcus Licinius Crassus, " My taste includes both snails and oysters, Antoninus..." I mean, what the fuck are they supposed to do with that information?

I dunno, I just let people who even understand sexuality in on what I am about. Anyway, that's where I am today.
11th-Oct-2005 03:04 pm (UTC)
Where you are is great, as are you!
11th-Oct-2005 03:01 pm (UTC)
again.....your support has helped me more than you can know

I'm humbled by the attention and praise I get in my efforts..I think you know that I'm not here to look for it...I'm just writing down my journey..I don't view myself as all that noteworthy...I'm just trying to live my life honestly and for me ...for the first time...I have a ways to go...and I'm still scared shitless...but I've determined to face it...every step of the way....I just can't hide anymore.....(I'm up to 5 hugs and two amazing reply emails from people that don't work in my area)
11th-Oct-2005 03:08 pm (UTC)
And again, you're welcome.

That's the thing, though. Bravery deserves recognition and respect. There are more people just like you who might possibly come across these very words we're writing now than you can imagine, and you could very well be inspiring them to rethink their lives! And if that's the case, then it's a great thing you're doing not just for yourself, but an example set for others in the same struggle with fear and honesty.

I'd love to read their responses - I hope you post them. Now you're getting the real reason I was so insistent you attend Pride this Summer, Andy.
11th-Oct-2005 03:16 pm (UTC)
Thanks for posting all this. The only place I'm not fully out right now is at work, but even there I've let some people know. I'm pretty close to the point where I'll just say "fuck it" and be fully out at work too. Almost there... almost there...
11th-Oct-2005 03:32 pm (UTC)
You'll get where you need to be when it's time, and like everyone else I've told - you'll know when that time is because it will be loud and clear. Feel free to link!
11th-Oct-2005 04:13 pm (UTC)
I still adore you :)
11th-Oct-2005 04:21 pm (UTC)
Awww! *tear*
11th-Oct-2005 04:23 pm (UTC)
This is exactly what I needed to be reminded about, after an ugly exchange with a woman who ranted about "feminists and homosexuals destroying this country." I informed her that the bigger problems are with the neo-cons and the architects of the endless wars our "leaders" drag us into.

She then handed me all kinds of pamphlets and literature about how "homosexuality is not an orientation but a sickness" yadda yadda yadda.

I told her she had an unhealthy fascination and obsession with other people's sexuality and walked away.

The verbal diarrhea at that point was pretty sickening.

Thanks, Jude! :o)
11th-Oct-2005 04:26 pm (UTC)
Print this out and give it to her, that'll shut her the hell up!
11th-Oct-2005 04:25 pm (UTC)
You inspired me to come out to a woman I've known for two years who has become my friend. It was hard, but I thought "What would Jude do?" and I said, "Fuck it, I'm going to tell her." and I did. I don't know about her reaction because I was in a hurry and wrote it on a slip of paper. I guess I'll see tomorrow though. I'll let you know how it turns out!
11th-Oct-2005 04:27 pm (UTC)
YOU FUCKING ROCK!! And YAY Indigo Girls icon!!
11th-Oct-2005 04:28 pm (UTC)
Thanks ever so much for posting this. I've come out to most of my friends as both bisexual and asexual (yes, simultaniously; I believe it's possible to be both at once; for instance, when it comes to *love*, I'm bisexual, as I've loved both a guy and a girl, but when it comes to *sex*, I'm asexual, as I have absolutely no desire for it whatsoever, *in addition to* fearing it ever so much), and I've come out to my mother as bisexual.

My friends range from being very supportive (my boyfriend) to not believing me (my best friend), but what hurts the most is that my *mother* doesn't believe me. She thinks that, because I'm now with a guy and plan to be so--with the same guy--for the rest of my life that my being with a girl was "just a phase"; it doesn't help that she hates this girl (my best friend other than my boyfriend, who is my true best friend) with a passion.


Anyway, reading your posts has greatly helped me, and I don't think I've said so often enough. Therefore, I must thank you for posting them, and for being so open about yourself--I know it's encouraged me, and I like to think it's encouraged others as well.
11th-Oct-2005 04:30 pm (UTC)
Thank you for this, I really appreciate it - and GO YOU!
11th-Oct-2005 04:52 pm (UTC)
Great post... (found it through pagerbear).
11th-Oct-2005 04:58 pm (UTC)
Thanks muchly, I appreciate it! *grateful handshake*
11th-Oct-2005 10:11 pm (UTC)
I'd already read most of those posts--but they're always worth a reread. If you want to read my somewhat mild two cents, here you go. =)
15th-Oct-2005 04:16 am (UTC)
Happy Coming Out Day and much love from a proud PFLAG mom. (And member of HRC).
11th-Jul-2006 05:32 pm (UTC)
I was just linked here and I want to thank you for writing this!
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