Brad Smith (jesus_h_biscuit) wrote,
Brad Smith

Oh for fuck's sake...

Dear Readers;

I'm not sure who knows about this, but the fact is that as long as there have been penises and public parks, people have been having depraved, unnatural sex in them. Good sex, bad sex, str8 sex, homo sex. I know this is going to come as a shock to many people, but I feel it is my duty alongside, and in unshakable solidarity with, my Utahan bretheren to expose the ugly truth about the most dangerous kind of sex there is, even more dangerous than (...gulp...) buttsex - now brace yourselves, there is no easy or delicate way to put this, so I'm just going to say it. It's taking over and it must be stopped, I tell you - STOPPED, I SAY! My apologies, It's just that my delicate sensibilities can only take so much. The danger I speak to warn you of is... consensual sex... MEDIC!! CODE CHASTITY, STAT!! WE HAVE A PURITAN DOWN, I REPEAT, A PURITAN IS DOWN!!

We must do everything within our powers to cease the insanity of recreational sex for pleasure before our teenage children fall prey to its temptations! DAMNIT MAN, THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!! Do you really want your teenagers to grow up in an environment that allows free sexual function at will, a response to their unnatural urges simply because hormonal changes within the body are occuring all of the time that signal the pleasure centers in the brain to create fire in one's genitals? Should we not insist on repression and regression so that our continuing, collective efforts to keep this lustful savagery on the straight and narrow until a man is older, having suppressed his carnal, animal lust until he is forced to seek anonymous gratification from strang... Wait, I confused myself, which is exactly what these devils want!

We simply cannot allow the free will of one person to copulate with another merely for the purpose of satisfying intense yearnings and/or desires, that's just crazy talk! Everytime a person engages in lascivious, copulatory concupiscence, God gives an old lady cancer! Think of the Grannies while you read and watch video of this shocking undercover exposé.

Disturbing Behavior at Family Park

A favorite family recreation spot with a darkside.

Tonight - we show you, what our undercover cameras caught, out in the open. (click the image to watch in Real Player)

Debbie Dujanovic joins us, live ... with this Eyewitness News Investigation.

What we caught on tape goes on here, all day long, everyday.

That's why we went undercover.

To warn you -- about the secret-side of this public playground.

The Jordan River Parkway --- a quiet escape in the heart of Salt Lake County - for walking, biking, hiking.

Local goverment spends millions of tax dollars here - paving, maintaining, tables, bathrooms, bridges.

Miles of trail winding along the Jordan River.

But there's a secret side to this public place...

Also see accompanying story:
The Secret Side of the Playground: Parts I and II
Tags: fucktards
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