After Cole and I watched Gremlins this morning, I decided that we should go out for lunch. He chose McDonalds, so I went begrudgingly. After we ate he went to play in the playground area, and I read more of my book and watched him. We came home and I have been running non stop since. Maggie and I finished making all of tomorrow's dinner items, most everything that isn't done is at the very least preassembled.
I have not heard from Him today, and that bothers me - but I'm not upset about it, I just really miss him. It's hard being this close to someone who is going through so many difficult things and you cannot be with them through it. In part, I am one of those things. Something was bound to come up sooner or later, and truth be told I'm handling this all better than I thought I would. It's rough, there is no doubt about that, but I am doing the best I can. I'm seeing the bigger picture and accept that I have no control over most aspects of this, and the things I do have control over I am monitoring for the betterment of us both. He's grappling with some MAJOR stuff.
I told him that I didn't understand his relationship with God, that I never really have, but that I would never understand it if he didn't educate me about it. If it's important to him, then it is important to me, so I'm keeping myself open to him and I really like it when he talks to me about his faith - the positive aspects of it, anyway. The stifling parts are the ones I have trouble dealing with, but then I think of how it affects HIM and I think to myself how fortunate I am that I don't have those expectations on me that I could never ever meet.
I'm sorry that you have to be going through this. You've overcome SO MUCH and really done a lot of living in a very short time, so I know that you are going to be better for all of this suffering. Give yourself the credit for all the good that has come out of the past few weeks, because you have certainly earned it.
I wish you clarity and send you my energies and light. I miss you.
- Music:The Distance - Evan & Jaron