Brad Smith (jesus_h_biscuit) wrote,
Brad Smith
jesus_h_biscuit

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Aaaaand back to the happy place..

This is the only good part of depressive moodswings, the rebound after the initial blue period. I still feel wierd, but I'm not wishing I could just sleep and wake up in the next four years, so I'll take it. I managed to eat dinner even though I really didn't want to, and lo and behold it was pretty good afterall.

To my D and the other friends I know are worrying about me,
I'll be fine. Just have to ride this bullshit out, because I refuse to go back on antidepressants. This happens pretty rarely anyway, so I can handle it. I love that you love me, probably in a more profound way now than ever before, and it helps. Fundamentally, it's all that helps.


To my friend who is cold,
which is the perfect metaphor for your life situation right now, hold on girl. Be stronger than you'll know. I believe that the past several years have served a good purpose. They've prepared you for the really hard thing you're about to do. They've sharpened you so that you ARE scared now, and that will force you to really question and be sure you can live with this decision - which you can. This fear is different, it's just a subconscious way for you to be sensible and self preserving. You're responsible for what you say and what you do, but only for yourself and not anyone else. You listen to me, there is N O T H I N G that you cannot do, whether you believe it or not. Stop listening to the part that is telling you this is permanent, because it only feels like that and it's a lie. It's just time for this to be over is all. You've bailed out more than your part of the water, you owe nothing more to this sinking boat. Remember something for me. Make it the same mantra as I have, and say it to yourself and others as often as you can:
There is never a right time.
There is never a perfect time
There is always a better time.

It's all going to be fine, sweetie. Safety will come after bravery. You're not that girl anymore that had to put up with it for so long, you're the woman that doesn't have to anymore. That is who you are now. I'll do anything I can, just say the word.


Now, on to one more thing. Something also that I want to address, something I need.

::deep breath::

I need a drag name. I've never had one. I want you guys/gals to come up with my official drag name. Comment with suggestions on a drag name for me, we'll all vote on it in a future poll. For the record, I liked "Formica Dinette", but my friend Charlie took that one.
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  • 18 comments

  • MRI Images

  • Peace From Broken Pieces

    Yesterday morning while trying to face being me right now (and that shit ain't easy, trust me) and have the courage to get out of bed and motivate…

  • The Most Beautiful Heartbreak

    Now and again something finds you when you most need it. Sometimes, if you're really lucky, that thing will open your eyes in a way they've never…