Brad Smith (jesus_h_biscuit) wrote,
Brad Smith
jesus_h_biscuit

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Just when you thought it was safe...

I have a new Ann Coulter. Her name is Michelle Malkin. Yet another journalist/syndicated columnist/wannabe pundit who is so puritanical in thought and chaste in her holier-than-thou morality that it's damn near frightening. This is a woman so uptight that I'll bet she's never farted in her entire life, let alone used an unconscionable word the ilk of "fart". Clearly, such a disdainful word which would surely taint the moral fabric of anyone that ever employed it - even once - and would forever blow her image of anyone that did. Provided that person was not a conservative.

What bothers me the most about people like Malkin is that she moves though her columns (which I have read on occaision to mock or be enraged by, just as I've listened to O'Reilly, Schlessinger, Hannity, Limbaugh, and other moronic blowhards for similar reasons) and her editorials throwing shade left and right - mostly to the Left - on anything that doesn't fit her regressive idealsm that we should all go back to the fifties and if we must have missionary sex, then gosh darnit we better not enjoy it! (Moralistic rants like hers tend to freak me out a little.) But then I read an excerpt from her latest "novel", the startling IN DEFENSE OF INTERNMENT: THE CASE FOR "RACIAL PROFILING" IN WORLD WAR II AND THE WAR ON TERROR.

It could be just me, perhaps I am a little sensitive about the entire concept of "interment". First of all, it's a bullshit term. When Malkin or any of the cons/neocons/paleocons acclaiming this misguided, harmful drivel as genius finally have the balls to call "interment" what it really is, I'll be happy to personally go toe to toe with her. Nothing would please me more than to dive headlong into punditry and appear as a guest panelist on Hannity and Colmes alongside Malkin. I'd first have to bitchslap Alan Colmes on principle alone. Let's face it, he's a pathetic representation of a Liberal, but that's for Sean Hannity's benefit. That's how Jesus H. Murdoch over at Foxnews wants it, so that's how it is. Sooner or later they're going to make t-shirts of Hannity giving Colmes a wedgie, or an overmuscled Hannity kicking sand in the face of a punier than normal Colmes. Whatever, moving on.

Secondly, I'm pretty sure that scores of people of Asian ancestry might take issue with one of their own extolling the virtues of employing concentration camps. But slap me if I get sentimental.

Third, she'll hold Chris Matthews up to a standard that she won't hold Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly, or Rush Limbaugh to. When it's one of them, they're just exercising their First Amendment right to free speech. When it's Chris Matthews on Hardball, it's AMBUSH JOURNALISM...OR MY EVENING WITH CAVEMAN CHRIS MATTHEWS. Fucking bootlicker.

The first time I ever saw her on TV was on Realtime with Bill Maher, Episode #33. Beautiful woman, but spineless in the truest sense of the word. Not unlike Ann Coulter, who in Episode #42 shows that just because you can use terms like "two visions of foreign policy" in a statement (which, shockingly I agreed with her on the point - ::cringe::) and just because you're a rabid bully it doesn't mean you have a spine. Ann's biggest problem is she seemingly never knows which bed to get into or out of, therefore she hates anything and everything that doesn't fit into her "I'M A BIGGER CONSERVATIVE THAN YOU ARE AND I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!" sense of self idolatry. I also suspect she's a closet necromancer. I think she's bitter that she never had a threesome with Reagan and McCarthy. I'd bet a stick of Juicy Fruit on that one.

Jesus H. Christ, I want a cigarette...
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