Brad Smith (jesus_h_biscuit) wrote,
Brad Smith
jesus_h_biscuit

Humpday Hilarity & more...


TOP STORY

Wal-Mart Announces Massive Rollback On Employee Wages



A sign announces a Louisville, KY Wal-Mart's low, low wage for cashiers.

BENTONVILLE, AR—Wal-Mart, the world's
largest discount retailer,announced its biggest
ever rollback Monday, with employee pay cuts
of up to 35 percent.

Full Text »

LATEST HEADLINES


World's Scientists Admit They Just Don't Like Mice


White examines detested specimens in his Oxford lab.ZURICH, SWITZERLAND—
Nearly 700 scientists
representing 27 countries convened at
the University of Zurich Monday to formally announce
that their experimentation on mice has been
motivated not by a desire to advance human knowledge,
but out of sheer distaste for the furry little rodents.



Authority Figures Call For Closing Of Area Roughhouse


Authority figures at City Hall call for the closing of the roughhouse (below).SEYMOUR, IN—
Local authority figures and
townspeople assembled Monday at Seymour
Town Hall to call for the closure of the town's
controversial roughhouse, alleging that it
has caused countless scrapes, bumps,
and bruises since it opened in 1986.



Local Woman's Life Looks Bearable
In Scrapbook


Local Woman's Life Looks Bearable In ScrapbookOCCOQUAN, VA—
Jane Hemmer's family scrapbook,
prominently displayed on
her coffee table at all times, gives the
impression that her life is not only
bearable, but even pleasant, sources
not particularly close to the
58-year-old homemaker said Monday.

OPINION
Son, We Need To Talk About This Supreme Court Obsession Of Yours

What This Town Needs Is A Child In A Well

NEWS IN BRIEF
Peterson Given Lifetime Channel Sentence
REDWOOD
CITY, CA—Scott Peterson, convicted in November of murdering his wife
Laci and their unborn child, was issued a Lifetime Channel sentence
during the penalty phase of his trial Monday. "Mr. Peterson's story
shall be re-enacted in Lifetime movies and miniseries for a period of
no less than 10 years," Judge Alfred Delucci told a packed courtroom
Monday. "His story shall be remanded to Lifetime's custody until the
network determines that public interest has waned sufficiently to allow
airings on Oxygen." Delucci ordered that Peterson's team of lawyers be
present for the casting.
Next News In Brief (2 of 5) »




STATshot

How Can We Live With Ourselves?

IN THE NEWS
Bollywood Remake Of Fahrenheit 9/11 Criticizes Bush Administration Through Show-Stopping Musical Numbers
Bollywood Remake Of
Fahrenheit 9/11
Criticizes Bush
Administration Through
Show-Stopping Musical
Numbers


Pet Winterized
Pet Winterized

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