Brad Smith (jesus_h_biscuit) wrote,
Brad Smith

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I decided I was going to take some time from the situation from Paige once it went down before I really gave any of my emotions to it; to remain protected from my hurt until I had sufficient time from it to be able to think clearly and not be completely caught up in anger.

Oh yes, I'm still quite angry when I think about it. How could I not be? She took everything I ever gave her that was good and not only threw it all back in my face but blamed me for it. Then went and chose that sorry motherfucker that never did anything but make her feel worthless ALL OVER AGAIN.

Now I'm in that place where things I see and hear remind me of her, how funny she is, how much I love and miss her. Of course, this excuses absolutely nothing. The last thing she told me before I severed the friendship was "Don't worry, I know that it cannot work and that I have to get him out of my system. It's not going to be easy, I'm so afraid of being alone - but I know now that he doesn't love me and that this is a bad situation I'm in for me and my children." Within a day and a half, he was back in teh house and she wasn't returning my calls. I emailed her that as long as he were a part of her life, then I wouldn't be - and the same went for Maggie and Nathan. This is when she told me that "But I know he and I can make this work because he's going into counseling! He didn't mean it when he threatned to kill me, I know he would never hurt me because he lives me BLAH BLAH FUCKING BLAH... And if you cannot support me in this decision, then you were never my friend to begin with."


Sooner than later most likely, she's going to face what she told me at the last Jennifer concert - that I was right, that he would never change and would only get worse, and that I was the one she could depend on after all. The suck thing about that is when she comes back to me for support and I look her dead in the fucking face and say "You told me I was never your friend to begin with, and no matter what you do for the rest of your life you will never EVER be able to take that fucking back or repair the wound it has made in me."

Then I'll figure out what I'm going to do from there.
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