Brad Smith (jesus_h_biscuit) wrote,
Brad Smith

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Dude, Where's My Ass?

I did my good deeds today, one was for a complete stranger and could feasibly count for two deeds. Maggie, Avery, & I were eating lunch at Jason's deli and there was a guy in line wearing a nice navy blue suit. He was nice looking enough, and when we made eye contact he smiled and nodded his head - in the way that straight guys do as an affirmative "Hey - how ya doin..." kind of thing. Flash forward five minutes, he's going to sit and eat with these two ladies at a table close to ours when I noticed the American flag staring back at me from the crack of his ass...

What? That's not right!

I looked again, and sure enough, STARS AND STRIPES FOREVER!!

He hobbled down to the salad bar, and I jumped up in hot pursuit. Maggie caught me on her way back from taking Avery to the bathroom, and sensed I was in a hurry and that something was up. Without breaking my stride, I managed to tell her that all was well, and that I'd be back in just a second. I approached Mr. Old Glory and whispered "Dude - I think you've busted through the seat of your pants - might want to make a quick break to the bathroom and check that out." He discreetly reached around to his bum, his eyes widened, and he smiled at me and said "Oh wow - thanks man, you're a lifesaver!"

I went back to our table and finished my lunch. When he got back to the table I'd already explained to Maggie what had happened and she saw it for herself. We kind of giggled and then I told her she had a big ol' chunk of something-or-other in her teeth. Good deed #2 done, 3 if I count Stars & Stripes twice which I'm half tempted to do. By the entry's end I'll have decided.
Tags: good samaritan

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