Brad Smith (jesus_h_biscuit) wrote,
Brad Smith

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Different Glasses

Ever notice how nice it is to get a new pair of eyes? Not just for the purpose of enhancing one's vision, but to get a whole new perspective altogether. It's nice, let me tell you.

I'm not exactly sure what is allowing me to be so lucky right now, and I don't want to think about it for too long lest I hex myself and get beaten with the bad juju stick.

All this time I've waited and pined for someone (though you'd never hear me say such a thing, quite the contrary) and then finally, FINALLY at my favorite time of year and on my favorite holiday I get my payoff. I confessed to him last night that I knew there was something really significant about meeting him on that first night, because when he made a comment on the philosophy I live by (verbatim, no less) something struck in me the likes of which I have never experienced before.

I'm always thinking "I'm not like that" in terms of being completely entranced by someone. Now I'm thinking that maybe that has been my saving grace in a certain sense. I waited to decide on opening myself up to this possibility for an incredibly long time. I learned more about myself and my patience and understanding in that time than most do their entire lives - and right when my self esteem demanded I start rethinking my position on relationships and giving it a try, I meet the most phenominal man.

I'm glad I have conditioned myself to expect nothing from people, because only then can you truly be surprised and made giddy by their kindnesses. When you expect nothing from the jump, there is nothing to take for granted. I am emotionally self sufficient and have learned over the years how to get along without, so being given these gifts because someone cannot help themselves - it's just unbelievable.

I cannot wait to do so many different things with him, and am looking foreward to all of the first times. He has never been on a rollercoaster. I cannot wait for that first ride on a rollercoaster with him. The first time we walk hand in hand on the beach. The first time I sit outside with him on my mama's quilt and feed him something that I've made myself. Sitting around a table of my closest friends with him by my side and everyone's laughing and smiling at each other when we steal kisses here and there. The first time I get to dance a slow dance with him. Riding bikes with him over Pine Mountain and the Riverwalk and into the swamp at the Meadows. Seeing my first movie with him and holding hands there in the darkness surrounded by people I don't know. Skinny dipping in the summer and riding my Daddy's waverunners at the lake. The first time I get to introduce him to my nieces.

I hope I never go back to being like I was. Something has crossed over in me and I'm completely, deliriously, almost frighteningly happy.
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