Brad Smith (jesus_h_biscuit) wrote,
Brad Smith

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My spleen is full...

I've been up for a couple of hours now. I've had my coffee and it's quiet here except for the hum of the CPU. Cole will be waking up shortly (albeit begrudgingly) followed by Avery, both of whom will be wanting breakfast. Maggie left for her hearing in Rome about 30 minutes ago, and Nathan is still sleeping in their room. Once he gets Cole off to school and Avery gets settled into playing and watching her cartoons, I can get back to work on tutorials and Photoshop projects. It's almost unnervingly quiet here. Time for some music to break it up and decide what makes this post and what doesn't.

Saw Matrix Revolutions yesterday at the Mother Of All Theaters, it was really good and I enjoyed it very much. I still have questions, but would have to see Reloaded again for them to be answered. It was very apocalyptic and biblical, but I'm reasonably certain that was the aim. That alone was what I think makes for good film. The tech aspect was interesting, but that's not really my thing. I'm more for the content and substance and not the visual and conception. It was good all the same and I enjoyed myself.

Carnivale was good last night, and cryptic as ever. There are three eposides left in this season, and I don't think too much is going to be revealed just yet. There are signs of Brother Justin turning bad and signs of Ben and Sofie having more in common than at first glance, but all of that is yet to be told. This whole series is like one giant tarot card reading - again, that's the aim I'm sure. For as hokey as that is, it still makes for good TV.

I concluded yesterday after reading charliekeenjr's post about his "Baby Boy" sleeping over (and giving myself much forethought and questioning about how it disgusted me) that the person I thought I knew as Charlie has been replaced with someone I don't know anymore and that is possibly the most difficult blow of all. I want it known for the record that my opinion of Charlie is nothing in the way of siding with anyone else, or picking between him and David. That is beyond childish and I am far from childhood - like 25 actual years from it. It is exclusively a matter of choosing what I know to be decent human kindness and loving concern for someone you claim to care about over the excuses disguised as the same. If I ever broke up with Damien under such weak and ridiculous circumstances, I would never make public posts to my journal about my new relationship - and if I ever did, I certainly wouldn't lie and tell him that I truly care about him and considered his feelings. It has nothing to do with censorship, it has everything to do with taste. Posting that bullshit considering the circumstances was thoughtless and cruel, and should have been made private. The only reason was to gloat and show off, but for what reason I'm sure I don't know.

Charlie has always been the sweetest, kindest kid you'd ever hope to know, and would never deliberately hurt anyone for any reason. I still love that sweet, endearing person you were, Charlie - and will again consider you my friend if you ever decide to be yourself again. The fact remains that I think that you're totally fucked up - and while that is your problem and not mine, I'm not about to sit here and pretend like I think it is acceptable for you to celebrate it. My wish for you is that one day you'll get this bullshit out of your system and choose to be a decent person again. When that day comes, I'll be available for you in any way I can - but until then, I don't know you anymore and while that saddens me more than you know, you have made it necessary.

Now that I'm all depressed and heavy hearted, I'm going to wake up these babies with Good Morning songs and get their day started. Big hugs would be good right about now.

"My spleen is full
though I say I don't hold a grudge
and it may make me vile and wretched and worse off than you
but I do judge."

- Jennifer Nettles

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