June 22nd, 2008

Mockery

This Week In Douchebaggery

This Week In Douchebaggery
douchebag
Pronunciation: \'düsh 'bag\
Function: noun
Etymology:. French, from Italian doccia, from docciare to douche, from doccia water pipe, probably back-formation from doccione conduit, from Latin duction-, ductio means of conveying water, from ducere to lead

1 (douche) a: a jet or current of liquid (as a cleansing solution) directed against or into a bodily part or cavity (as the vagina) b: an act of cleansing with a douche.
2. An individual who has an over-inflated sense of self worth, compounded by a low level of intellegence, behaving ridiculously in front of colleagues with no sense of how moronic he appears.
3. Someone who has surpassed the levels of jerk and asshole, however not yet reached fucker or motherfucker.

1. You are a douchebag.
2. I hate douchebags.

Douchebag Du Jour | Jason David Werner
(MySpace page, YouTube channel)

Why He's A Douchebag | This is a little complicated...
  • Interests: Sharing God's love, family, campaigning for a more compassionate conservative America, real estate, business, basketball, kids, hanging out with friends, cooking, eating, working out, working on my landscaping.
  • Television: Yuck, who actually has time for TV. It's filled with violence, sex, emulations, immaturity, bitterness, jealousy, junk
  • Books: Holy Bible, Direct from Dell, Rumsfeld: A Personal Profile, Compassionate Conservatism (forward by then-Governor George W. Bush), I Love You Ronnie by Nancy Reagan, Dave's Way (founder of Wendy's), and so many more. I enjoy reading.
  • Heroes: Jesus of Nazareth. President Bush (duh), former Secretary of Defense Honorable Donald H. Rumsfeld, President Ronald Reagan, Vice President Dick Cheney, the family members of soldiers bravely serving our country.
  • Who I'd like to meet: The love of my life: Jesus Christ. President George W. Bush, former Secretary of Defense Honorable Donald H. Rumsfeld, Michael Dell, and other sinners.
  • Hobbies: getting arrested for scream-preaching on the street, stalking the exwife, being a fag bashing bag of douche.


Crimes Of Douchebaggery | Anything that involves him breathing or attempting to conjugate verbs. Ran for the 10th Congressional District of Ohio, but then disaster struck when radical homosexuals seized control of the Republican Party of Cuyahoga County and stole the nomination away from him.

Most Recent Display Of Flagrant Douchebaggery | His recent assertion that God hates Cedar Rapids, IA:
"I’ve been blaming the atrocity that occurred to New Orleans by a storm called Katrina on the area’s sin. That city was one of the most corrupt cities I’ve ever toured, even more corrupt than the abomination of a little sodomite parade today in Cleveland.

So I began wondering about Cedar Rapids, Iowa. It’s innocent Iowa. What could possibly be wrong with an area in “God’s country”.

I was going to release this on Monday of last week, but I felt my arrest was bigger news. Anyway, I learned that Cedar Rapids was an absolute city of corruption. There are about 124,000 residents in the actual city. And in Iowa, gambling is legal, wherebythere are 17 casinos. Embryonic stem-cell research is funded. Liberal governors have run the state into the ground for the past 20 years including a former conservative Republican many years ago. Human cloning is legal. Referendums by the citizens are often shot down. Spending for education is the most consistent increase of any issue. The University of Iowa is among the ten best colleges to party in the country. The University of Iowa is very homosexual-oriented. Grinnell is extremely homosexual-oriented. I found five blood alleys in Cedar Rapids. Homosexual organizations are very popular in Cedar Rapids and Des Moines. Prostitution and adult entertainment is actually worse than Cleveland, which has a population of nearly 400,000. There were nearly 100 bars in a radius of one mile although the nearby college is dry."