June 15th, 2006

Abstinence, Sex Shaming, Masturbation, and Killing that Shame & Ignorance in One Fell Swoop

Let me begin this by stating how completely opposed I am (and always have been) to absintence-only sex shaming. I call it sex shaming because that is exactly what it is. There is nothing scholarly about it - it is moral imposition at best, dangerously reckless subjugation at worst. Government sanctioning of abstinence-only sex shaming is not only a wholly asinine waste of money, time, and resources, it is equally ineffective in its goals - to say nothing of irresponsibly misleading. Teaching absinence-only does not work, and it's widely disputed as a means of being an effective and responsible addition to curricula. Everyone from doctors and health professionals to scientists, teachers, and people with good common sense have spoken against this kind of antiquated methodology. Fuck for chastity instead, that makes more sense.

First of all, you're never going to stop teenagers from fucking. Not ever. The reason is simple: it feels good. Once their innately natural biological urges kick in and the temptation to resist and the fear and nervousness is overshadowed by the opportunity to engage, they will continue fucking until it no longer feels good, then they'll switch to a new partner and the cycle will continue. That was the case with me, I started out early, and I never had the negative influence pressed on me that the moralists are now imposing on the younger generations as my parents are sex positive and it was never anything met with derision in discussions at home, if I had questions then they provided answers. Thankfully my parents come from the school of thought that believes if the child is old enough to ask the question, they're old enough to get an age appropriate answer. Kids need to have a healthy (albeit age appropriate) understanding of sexuality. Granted, my parents are an extreme, my mother has even given me straight porn to pass on to my hetero friends once she's through with it. "I know this is all lost on you, but surely you know someone who'll appreciate it." You go, Mama!

Adolescents need to be aware that there is absolutely nothing wrong with abstaining until such a time that you are ready, but that's the point - it cannot end there.  They need to be made aware of safe sex. There are things they need to know about the day that choice gets made and its repercussive effects. Younger people need a knowledge of STD's (more here). They need to know not only about safe sex but birth control, and they need to know about abortion. Moreover, that sexual responsibility is more important than pro-choice or pro-life. They need to be told that masturbation is the most self validating thing they can do, and encourage them to understand that it's not the same as sex - it's more like maintainance. There are two kinds of people who do not masturbate - those who do it, and those who lie about not doing it. Betty Dodson is one of the foremost authorities on this subject, and she's about as cool as fuck to boot. She's taught workshops on celebrating the body and freeing women from repression that she believes was instilled by the church. She makes the point that masturbation needs to be celebrated, and not allowed to create guilt. She admits that overcoming guilt is very difficult -- for men & women, especially when the guilt is instilled by the voices of their parents at an early age with the admonishments not to touch themselves "down there".

There are toys to play with (some even home-made for the folks with little to no pocket money), websites with erotic stories, informative stories and techniques, even web communities (NSFW). One site bills itself as the Ultimate Male Masturbation Page, that definitely deserves perusal.

Thank Darwin there's satire and people with a genuine sense of humor! Check out Iron Hymen and Sex Is For Fags!, they're hilarious.

I used to be much more of an avid masturbator, and I go through spells where I go for one or two weeks and then I'm jerking off multiple times a day.  I turned 30 and it started slacking off, but now and then I'm 13 again.  I love reading and talking about it, mainly because I enjoy learning other people's techniques and fantasies for what helps them get themselves off. I have no problem admitting I'm a shameless pervert, I celebrate it and let my pervert flag fly proudly.

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