March 30th, 2005

Harsh, party of one?

For my friend who would rather be default than priority:

I'm not that friend that will sit there and mollycoddle you, support your destructive behavior and fucked up choices, and offer encouragement that it's going to get better if you remain patient. Not going to happen. I'm not the friend that enables you to be self destructive by looking the other way or telling you what you want to hear. That in my opinion is a shitty thing to do and is a total disservice to friendship. And speaking of, this friendship has run its present course and unless you get with the program we're at a stand still. I'm not saying that I no longer care, but I am saying that I'm no longer listening to you cry to me endlessly because he won't choose you and your child to be with instead of his wife and his other kids. Because I don't listen to you anymore, I'm always too busy eating my frustration to hear you, I'm done - full up - and I'm putting my fork down. This is not a meal I'm eating for your sake anymore.

I love you, but we're not having this conversation again. I won't listen to you anymore, I won't give advice when you ask for it anymore, and I won't pretend that I DON'T think you're fucking stupid for these terrible choices you've made. I don't respect you, I'm past the point of pity for you, and I'm this close to writing you off completely if you don't get your shit together and stop being so fucking lazy. It is your choice to decide how you're going to live, it is your responsibility to take care of yourself and not be treated like second hand goods, and it is all about you and the choices you are making. It isn't about him, he's already made his choice.

Like I told you, this relationship you are going to have one day with this asshole will never ever leave the point of fantasy in your mind. You'll never ever be out with him in public, you'll never ever be his spouse or significant other at best, you'll never ever share a home with him or have your child refer to him as "daddy". It is absolutely not going to happen. And even if it could, you would have to have to accept that sooner or later he'd do this exact same bullshit to you. He has no capacity for truth or fidelity, no amount of professed love is going to fix that. You're a fucking fool to think he'd ever be true to you, and based on what you've told me thus far I suspect that there are at least five more just like you scattered here and there. I don't want to think that you're an idiot, but if that's what you're representing then that's what the fuck you are. He's sitting there eating his cake and you're trying to cry to me and offer every excuse ever uttered in a Lifetime movie for why he's "not ready to leave her yet" like I'm really listening to you. I didn't ask you to tell me how you're going to explain this to your own daughter when she asks you one day about this bullshit and how you've involved her in it just so you could cry and say "What the hell am I doing?" like it was an answer to my question. The fact that you put this guy and his selfish needs (as well as your own) before hers for the sake of her happiness and security is possibly the most disgusting part of this entire drama. And by the way, I know that's his child, you didn't have to bother with making more excuses. You can lie to yourself all you want, but I draw the line when you try to lie to me, that's the quickest way to turn me from confidant to done-with-you. You will not get another warning on that subject, be grateful you got one at all.

As far as his wife goes, the next time you try to talk to me about what a stupid bitch she is is the time you're begging me to give you an openhanded bitchslap in the mouth. If she was anywhere as horrible as he makes her out to be, there is no reason he'd choose her over you. She (as well as her children) deserves your sympathy, not your wrath. So don't even.

Since I'm not sure if you're even going to listen to me, listen to Jennifer Nettles. She's come through for many of my friends, I really hope that you're no exception.

Jennifer Nettles - Stay
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"This song is about a mistress who gets with the program and decides she's better than being 'the other woman'." She goes on to give a more detailed explaination:

"I had been listening to the radio and I heard Reba McEntire sing the song 'Whoever's in New England', you know that song, it's about a woman whose husband goes off on bizness a whole lot and apparently New England is one place he does bizness a whole lot, there's a lot of bizness going on in New England and she just sits there and says 'Hey, when whoever's in New England is through with you I'll be right here!' and my first thought was 'SCREW THAT!' But then I thought, you know, this story has been told so many times on so many levels - what could we do to make this story fresh, how can we freshen up this story and I thought well why don't we tell it from the perspective of the mistress? And yeah, it's a little saucy, but then I thought well that's kind of a defeated place to come from you know, to be the other woman and to feel so sad that this person won't choose you fully and won't commit, and you know - if that's the way you found them, I'm pretty sure... we could go on and on. You'll notice in this song that even though it's from the perspective of the mistress, there's a point in it where she has a revelation so to speak... she sees the light."

Are we clear now? Do you get what I'm telling you? I have -0- sympathy for you, so stop trying to extract it from me. It's all on you now, I'm not lifting one more finger for this friendship. Now stop crying, you have shit to do and decisions to make.

(no subject)

Early Wednesday, a man was arrested when he tried to bring a plastic cup of water into the hospice. Police officers stopped him at the gate as he shouted: “You don’t know God from Godzilla!”

That's Gojira, asshole, and she can't fucking swallow. Take two spoonfuls of Drano, and drink the water your goddamned self.

Big thank yous and much love to dubhain for the book, it's perfect timing since I am out of new reading material! Again, thank you SO much, J - I love you and I'm very grateful for the book. You're the first to break into my wishlist!