January 25th, 2005

Put a circle on the cross.

I had a series of about 3 nightmares last night, one of which seriously freaked me out. In involved my parents and mortality, which is never a good combination unless you're Dave Peltzer or Christina Crawford. I woke up at 4am-ish with stomach cramps, and decided to just tough it out and read. That got old fairly quickly, so I started listening to music. Which also got borning, so I started to watch pr0n. Yeah, pr0n when your stomach is in knots? Not so much. So I just wrote about it all in the Voldemort LJ, as I'm wont to do. The trouble with documenting my dreams is that unless I get up when they're still vivid, I lose them. Not that this isn't a good thing, but there you are.

I've decided that some things just don't fit like I thought they did anymore, and others fit more like they were tailor made. I'm restless, I'm longing for something I don't have, and I'm alternately dissatisfied and disappointed. I'm not exactly sure to what level this carries over, maybe it's as simple as rearranging my bedroom furniture for a change of pace. Maybe it's simply feeling exanimate today, who knows. I find myself feeling more and more... frazzled? Is that the word? I'll be so glad when spring comes back around and I can be done with this winter bullshit, it's making me homicidal.

I am very happy about a new bond that has been forged with someone I am quite fond of, and that's really good. I'm being true to my nature and doing what I really feel comes naturally to me in trying to open someone up to all of the possibilities they are unfortunately blind to, which is easy when your plate gets too full. It happens to us all from time to time. In part I believe that those times are necessary to prepare you for when life is better and more meaningful. Be honest, how would you truly appreciate what's really great in life if you don't first understand what's bad? How would you know the difference without a basis for comparison? I have an obsession with harmony and balance, so I see things laid out in front of us differently than I think most people do. That is also why I'm good at providing that basis for comparison, because I have this uncanny knack for juxtaposition. When things are bad, I make my focus very driven in believing that I'm somehow being prepared to really embrace and appreciate when it's my turn for it to all come back to good. I know instinctively that the initial emotion of feeling sadness like it is a permanent thing instead of a temporary one is your mind's way of trying to purge itself, like mental vomit if you will. Sure that's disturbing imagery, but you get the point.

When it's your life, your relationship, your whatever - it's your rules. You're only limited by the things you haven't yet learned. I just told Damien that I think tradition (most of it, anyway) is for straight people who don't know how to enjoy themselves. Not that I'm making a generalization on all straight folks, just the boring ones who by stupidity default to bliss. Don't think about that one for too long, blood is liable to fly out of your nose and hit someone across the room.
  • Current Music
    Full Moon - Cornbread

The Hero Fund

I want to promote something that is very important to me. There's an organization called the Hero Fund that was started to raise awareness for the Special Operations Warrior Foundation, which provides scholarships and educational grants for the children of special operations personnel killed in training or real world combat. Today, an album made by this guy I know named Keni Thomas comes out. I met Keni years ago when he was still enlisted and playing the Loft for Open Mic nights, and was there the first time he ever played by himself in a solo show opening for my friends Evan & Jaron. His new album is called Flags Of Our Fathers - A Soldier's Story. Keni was one of the soldiers involved in the battle in Mogadishu, Somalia, that inspired the film Black Hawk Down. He worked as a technical consultant on the film, and parts of the characters are based on composites of the soldiers involved, including him. His band Cornbread was also featured in the Reese Witherspoon film "Sweet Home Alabama", as the street fair band playing the Lynyrd Skynyrd song of the same name. If you're a local, you can buy it locally at Walmart and I'm sure other places as well. It is also available online at cdbaby.com. A percentage of the proceeds from the album will go to the Hero Fund, and I hope everyone buys it and promotes it. I'd really appreciate it and I know Keni would also.

copy the code and repost in your own journal


In light of a recent comment made about my last post, vicariously posted to another journal:

If you're one of those people who thinks that by denouncing the Hero Fund, which helps provide educational opportunities for the children of fallen servicemembers, that you're somehow being clever and taking a stand against this war, FUCK YOU. No, really.

The freedom you have that enables you to make such baseless, inane assertions like that is paid for in the blood of these brave people who put their lives on the line to perform a job that most people don't have the balls to do. It is their courage and their tenacity to risk their lives on the opposite sides of the planet from their families, from their lives, from the freedoms and luxuries people like you take for granted in broadcasted ignorance. It is one thing that they get killed and maimed abroad, it is quite another when the people you're risking your life to protect are spitting on you and on your brothers' and sisters' graves.

How fucking DARE you criticize the people who graciously allow you to even make such declarations? How dare you slap the faces of the millions of servicemembers and veterans that have served this country to allow you the priviledge of being such a mammoth asshole? I don't support this war and I hate George W. Bush for a myriad of reasons, but a fundamental one is because I have family there as we speak that I don't even know if I'll ever see alive again . So unless you're genuflecting out of respect to kiss the ass of a service member, don't dare criticize what they do. This is a job that takes balls you'll never have, fucker. It is possible to hate war, to hate the people who send families like mine into harm's way for the lamest of reasoning, all of which is built upon lie after calculated lie, but to honor the people who do the dirty work for their contribution to democracy. This war is one of the stupidest things that has ever occurred in my lifetime, and I am 100% against it, but not against the servicemembers that allow me the opportunity to live safely in a country they're willing to die for to protect.

I have family and friends in all branches of service. I know veterans of many different wars. These people don't make enough money to be shit on by whiny pissants like you, so unless you're planning on putting your goddamned money where your mouth is, kindly do us all a favor and shut the fuck up. At the very least, know what you're talking about before you open your mouth.

Eternal Wisdom, from a brilliant man...

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but
shorter tempers, wider
freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy
more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more
conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more
knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more
medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little,
drive too fast, get
too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV
too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but
reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to
life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but
have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered
outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better
things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.

We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn
less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to
wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more
copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small
character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of
two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are
days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night
stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to
quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the
stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time
when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going
to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to
you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the
only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but
most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes
from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for
someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time
to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind. AND
ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away.

If you don't send this to at least 8 people....who cares?

George Carlin