December 1st, 2004

Insomnia and the Jesus Dream

I have recurring dreams, and usually they are very wierd. Some come from childhood, some I cannot remember where I was in life when I started having them. The one I have that seriously terrifies me is the one about clowns. The one that just makes me sad is the one I had last night after finally getting to sleep at 2AM or so.

In this dream, I am walking along a beach path on Amelia Island, one of my favorite places ever to spend time. I went there after Shane died to heal up some, and it will always be special to me for that reason alone - yet there are many others. Anyway, I'm walking along one afternoon and this stretch of beach is completely empty. Nothing but me, the wind, ther water, the sand, and an occaisional seagull. I'm walking along with my feet in the water, just as content as I can be, and I suddenly hear a man crying. I look up with a quick jerk of my head, and standing about 20 feet in front of me facing the horizon is Jesus. Yes, that one, Christ himself, the big JC. He is crying and is inconsolable.

I walk over to him to comfort him and find out why he's so upset and what I can do to help, as it is in my nature to try hard to fix anything that is broken. I stand next to him and in as soothing a voice as I can muster I manage to ask softly if there is anything I can do. He raises his head slowly toward me, there is a flash of light and we're suddenly on the Chrysler building, standing on the eagle head that faces the East River side of Manhattan. He's closer to the edge than I am, and I'm very unafraid even though my fear of heights is practically paralyzing. I reach for his hand and he makes it very clear to me that he's determined to jump. I go into a panic, overcome with the notion that the last person Jesus Christ will see alive is me on the top of this building in NYC and he won't even tell me why or hold my hand. I can taste the fear in my mouth like metal, and feel myself break into a panic-sweat. I beg him not to, but he takes no notice. I beg him why, and plead with him to tell me.

He looks over to me, gazing just past my shoulder, and explains that all of the things done in his name are things that he would never have done or approved of. He laments that he has failed because the people who profess to be his devout followers have completely gone astray of everything he ever taught or held important and valuable. The enormity of it all had undone him, and I was to bear witness to the unravelling. He gestured across to another building of office workers, pointing them out for me to see and exclaimed that nothing was ever being done for the benefit of others, only for the benefit of self. He spoke in a voice that sounded as brokenhearted as I'd ever heard before and mentioned that he never blamed me for not believing in him and that was why he chose me to tell this to. I was a little confused and went to ask for a detailed explaination and he was no longer there, I was all alone. I glanced down to the ground when I heard the screaming and panic below me, until my own screams drowned it all out and the noise became something alive. All I can think is "I just watched Jesus committ suicide", and then I wake up soon after if I make it that far.

I hate this dream.
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On This World AIDS Day

I am outraged.

"The Content of Federally Funded Abstinence-Only Education Programs": [.pdf file]

Press release from Rep. Henry A. Waxman, D-Calif., regarding the report: [.pdf file]

"These programs fail to deliver young people life-saving prevention education. It's shameful that tax dollars are being spent to dangerously mislead our adolescents. As we commemorate World AIDS Day, Representative Waxman's report falls in line with our own report card giving the United States a failing grade in prevention efforts. With roughly 40,000 new infections in the U.S. each year, it's time to stop putting federal funds toward programs driven more by ideology than science. Our nation's students deserve comprehensive sex education programs that are scientifically proven to work."

- Winnie Stachelberg
Human Rights Campaign

Is this really the logic that passes for base level common sense in the year 2004? These people who mercilessly tout these puritanical, antiquated, and regressive ideas in the hope that we will regress magically to the fifties, like it would EVER happen? Teenagers are never going to accept this. Until fucking no longer feels good, they're going to keep on fucking. This is nothing more than a death sentence on some, and a lot of teenage pregnancies waiting to happen.

Support World AIDS Day
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Greetings; this is the LJ Friend Notifier Service. A change has
been detected in your LiveJournal friends list.

The following changes have taken place in the LiveJournal friends list for judebennett:

- arie was removed from your friends list at 1:53pm on Wednesday, December 1, 2004 [EST]

* You currently have 69 people on your friends list.
* You are listed on 109 other persons' friends lists.

I never removed her from my friends list, but sure enough she had been removed. Of course, I added her back immediately, that goes without saying. Something's amiss here, time for precautionary measures...