September 15th, 2004

Dear God...

So.

On my website, there is a banner that reads "Cooler Than Jesus - Fear This, Bitches..." It was something I am pretty sure I saw on a t-shirt and thought it was funny, so I included it on my gallery site. Out of the clear blue the other day, my sister IMs me quoting this and explaining how upset she is with me because of it. It was a fairly innocuous conversation, all in all. It ended with her explaining to me in a very dismissive way that she loved me no matter what, but thought I was doing it for attention. She said it hurt her that I would think or say such things. She likened it to me being gay - that she didn't accept homophobic atitudes from people because they were wrong and ignorant, and that it would be the equivalent of her having a website that espoused homophobic hysteria, knowing how it would make me feel. Said she knows I have a problem with religion, even though she doesn't understand why, and that she didn;t get why I felt it necessary to have such things on my site.

It sounded oddly like my father telling me "I don't mind that you have an opinion, I just don't want to have to ever hear you speak about it." Guess how often I talk to him about anything that is important to me. ::crickets chirping::

I don't have the argument about why I don't believe in God anymore with people, it is pointless. Some people will never accept a different point of view, and trying to get them to is a colossal waste of time. I wrote something a couple of years ago called Why I Am An Atheist: My Journey To Reason that I felt supported a lot of the reasons why I don't believe in God. My first two webpages were nothing more than elaborate collages encompassing different periods in history that embodied what I percieve to be the biggest lie ever told, and the reasons why in images. That's what this new project I'm going to produce is, something very similar to that original concept. I have it in my mind, just have to put it all together. I think a Flash movie would work best, but I'm not sure just yet.

I have several friends and family members that are devout, practically swooning in their faith. I have friends that are seminarians and biblical scholars. I have friends that are Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Jewish, Pagan, Wiccan, even one who is a Sikh. I love and respect them all immensely, and do my level best to agree to disagree with them. Yet for all of the times when someone asks me in such an astonished tone why I don't believe in God, it never occurs to me to ask them why they DO believe. From now on, maybe I will ask that very question when someone inquires about my absence of faith, because it is more astonishing to me how anyone could believe considering the lack of evidence to support the existence of anything that even remotely resembled an omnipotent deity. I understand the need to believe, I really do. I simply don't, and never really have - even though once as a teenager I really tried.

Once I was told that I "hated God and that I was confusing God with religion." I replied "There is no such thing as God, how could I possibly hate something that doesn't even exist? I don't hate God, I hate the idea of God. And as far as the confusion on my part, that makes about as much sense as confusing blue with color."

I'm rambling and this allergy pill is making me sleepy.
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Ivan The Terrible Comes Calling

It's coming, Ivan will be here by morning. Already the outer bands are coming just into the south of town, I'm as far north as you can be and still remain in the city limits. It lurched to the east just a bit a couple of hours ago, which puts it closer to us than it was expected to be. We're supposed to get upwards of a foot of rain tomorrow and up to 70 MPH winds. We'll likely lose power, and probably the phone if the power goes. That's generally how it is here.

I've got plenty of candles, there is food in the pantry and many books and magazines to keep me occupied. As long as the power doesn't go out before I get coffee in the morning, everything should be fine. I cannot guarantee the safety of the children should I be denied caffeine in the morning. Tomorrow is going to be a lazy day, the kids and I will probably stay in our pajamas. I'll build them a fort to play in and we'll be completely insane from the cabin fever by evening.

I'm going to watch the weather channel for a few minutes before trying to get to bed, sleep tight all and have nice dreams...