August 19th, 2004

(no subject)

Gays Are 'Sinners' Senate Candidate Declares
by Steph Smith Newscenter
Chicago Bureau

(New York City) In a blistering attack on gays the man parachuted into Illinois to battle Democrat Barack Obama for a seat in the US Senate Wednesday used his maiden speech on the campaign trail to call gays "sinners" and denounce same-sex marriage.

Speaking at a City Club of Chicago luncheon he declared that America is in "a great moral crisis," adding that he will use the campaign to bring those issues to light.

Keyes said that allowing gay marriage would destroy strong families, the foundation of society, but he stressed that he doesn't dislike gay people.

"It's not because I'm against homosexuals, but because I'm for the marriage institution and creating strong families," he said. "We must be a community of people in faith."

Later, responding to a question from Chicago gay activist Michael Bauer Keyes said that "there is no contradiction between defending the institution of marriage and understanding that even when you look at somebody and you know that they're in sin, you can still remember that they are children of God."

Bauer was not impressed with the response, but a group representing conservative organizations opposed to gay marriage applauded.

Keyes also said that those who would allow women to have abortions in cases of rape or incest lack integrity. He said that if elected he would press for reparations for the descendants of slaves and likened Obama to a socialist for supporting big government.

Keyes, a conservative Maryland broadcaster was nominated to run for the Senate against Obama earlier this month when following a failed search for a suitable candidate in Illinois to replace Jack Ryan who withdrew from the race after ex-wife and former Star Trek performer Jeri Lynn Ryan accused him of sexual improprieties.

After reading that, blood shot out of my nose and flew across the room. This motherfucker is so whacked out, it defies description, but I'll try.

Alan Keyes.
Alan "Uncle Tom" Keyes.
Alan "How Else Can I Be A Puppet For Straight, White Conservatives" Keyes.
Alan " I Have No Problem Exploiting My Race To Get The Extra-Chromosome-Conservative Vote" Keyes.
Alan Keyes: insipid, self aggrandizing, banal minded, vexatious cunt.

For more, please see or listen by clicking an appropriate link.

New York, NY
6:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance
6:35 PM Ceremonial Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd Amendment)
6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46 PM Seminar #1: Katherine Harris on "Are Elections Really Necessary?"
7:30 PM Announcement: Lincoln Memorial Renamed for Ronald Reagan
7:35 PM Trent Lott: "Re-segregation in the 21st Century"
7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury: It's What's for Dinner
8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos Are After Your Children
8:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (men only)
8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: The Government of the Future
9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
9:05 PM Phyllis Schlafly speaks on "Why Women Shouldn't Be Leaders"
9:10 PM EPA Address #2: Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires
9:30 PM Break for secret meetings
10:00 PM Second Prayer led by Cal Thomas
10:15 PM Carl Rove Lecture: Doublespeak Made Simple
10:30 PM Rumsfeld Lecture/Demonstration: How to Squint and Talk Macho Even
When You Feel Squishy Inside
10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare
10:40 PM John Ashcroft Demonstration: New Mandatory Kevlar Chastity Belt
10:45 PM GOP's Tribute to Tokenism, featuring Colin Powell & Condi Rice
10:46 PM Ann Coulter's Tribute to "Joe McCarthy, Great American Patriot"
10:50 PM Seminar #3: Education: A Drain on Our Nation's Economy
11:10 PM Hilary Clinton Pinata
11:20 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists: A Dangerous New Cult
11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11:35 PM Blame Clinton
11:40 PM Newt Gingrich speaks on "The Sanctity of Marriage"
11:41 PM Announcement: Ronald Reagan to be added to Mt. Rushmore
11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
12:00 AM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord

Oh. Almost forgot. new layout coolness