May 29th, 2003

Six Years

Dear Jeff,

With all of the things that go through my head about you, I am always left with the same solitary thought, oddly enough a quote from Brad Pitt about you; "You know, I'm constantly surprised that more people don't know about him still - and at the same time, there's something very very beautiful about that. He tapped into something, he was the conduit. It makes me think 'Where does art come from? Where does true genius come from?' He's Plant and Page in one on a technical level - it's Mindblowing. My wife (Jennifer Anniston) has the disc and it came on one night, and I heard that opening to Mojo Pin, that haunting thing off in the distance and I remember asking 'What is THAT?' and she said 'That's Jeff Buckley.' I thought where have I been? Do I know nothing? Since then it's been a bit of an obsession for me. There's an undercurrent to his music, there's something you can't pinpoint. Like in the best of films or the best of art there's something going on underneath and there is a truth there and I find his stuff absolutely haunting. It's under my skin."

Then there are the words of critic Bill Flanagan that go "It (Sketches For My Sweetheart, the demos) was a complete album. People say oh, they're just demos and Jeff would have done this or that with them and who knows - again, he was never satisfied - he might have thrown Grace away if he could've gotten away with it and started over. A lot of the people tied around Jeff tied themselves up in knots with 'What would he have done here, what if what if what if' and as his mom Mary (guibert) said 'What if doesn't matter anymore, all that matters is what IS - this is what we have.' I think we're really lucky to have it, I think we are lucky that he and the band worked that hard in that short a span of time. Jeff was so resistant to the whole mythology of the young modern. He was not in ANY way enamored of the romance of dying young and leaving a beautiful corpse and all of that baloney, it just was nothing to do with him. He wanted to have a lifetime career, the musicians he looked to were guys in their 50's and 60's and that's what he aspired to be. That's one of the ironies of what happened, he was a lifer! He was in it for the long haul! And not just music, he was in the whole show for the long haul. He would've made a great cranky old man. I hope people appreciate the music because it's not as much as we deserved, but it's more than we had any right to expect."

In an interview with him during the writing for what would have been "My Sweetheart The Drunk" he was asked "How would you want to be remembered?" Jeff replied " As a good friend. You know, I don't really need to be remembered. I hope the music is remembered."

I have spent the first half of this day remembering and honoring you for everything you have given me, wanting to celebrate it as I cherish it and longing to not feel embittered and angered and cheated by your impulsiveness, but I can't. Being impulsive was in part your magic and why you were my friend, but all the same I would rather you were here. I know you never meant for any of this to happen, but it happened all the same.

And I would give anything if it hadn't.

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