June 25th, 2002

Just Unbelievable

This is just way too much for one person to deal with at one time.

I went to my Uncle Kelly's funeral yesterday, I rode with my brother and sisters. They told me that my stepmother, Marcia, has been diagnosed with the onset of Alzheimer's disease, which is a completely horrifying and terrifying illness. I cannot even talk about that one right now.

The plan was to go to the funeral and then go to the nursing home to visit my Grandmother, who was ill with cancer herself. We went to the funeral at 11, and my father called us on the drive up to tell us he was flying in to Atlanta and getting a rental and would be on the way soon. It is about a 40 minute drive to Rome, where these relatives live. He was going to see about his mother first and would meet us at the graveside service. While at the funeral, my brother Mark got a call from my father on his cellphone and talked to my sisters. They in turn found me and my oldest sister Lucy came to me, crying beside my sister Shay (who was crying hysterically), hugged me and whispered into my ear "Daddy just called - Grandmother died about 5 minutes ago."

I ran outside of the funeral home and have no idea what happened over the next few minutes until we had to make quick apologies for having to leave so soon. People were consoling us and all I wanted was to NOT be touched.

I wanted to be where my Daddy was, that was all I wanted. We saw him for a while and then went to see my oldest Aunt, the next one I'm sure to lose as she is homebound with her cancer. While we were there, my Aunt Lila - my complete familial nemesis, the one member of my family I care N O T H I N G for comes in and in the process of making small talk she says to me, totally emotionlessly, "You DO know that your Grandmother just died, don't you?"

I am still in disbelief.

This is just way too much to deal with at once. I need sleep.
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