April 26th, 2002

Nothing like the gift of clarity...

photawl: I'm down to one cigarette a night..
EJ the DJ107: excellent
photawl: And did I ever mention that I hate drama?
EJ the DJ107: yes - and likewise, i do as well
photawl: Everyone seems to want me and Mandy apart.. We have a few friends that are fighting for us, but there are alot of ppl who
photawl: don't like it
EJ the DJ107: look, man - FUCK those people, the stupidest thing either of you could do is let other people have a say so in this relationship
EJ the DJ107: or to give them any energy
EJ the DJ107: any energy you give them takes away from her, remember that
EJ the DJ107: it's you and her, not you, her, and them
photawl: That makes sense, actually..
photawl: It's good to have ppl to talk to
photawl: That aren't involved
EJ the DJ107: I know what I'm talking about here
photawl: I dropped it, but some of them continue to bring things up
photawl: Makes it hard
EJ the DJ107: so - let them, eventually it'll burn itself out with no help from you
EJ the DJ107: giving it your energy is pretty immature when you get down to it
EJ the DJ107: it comes down to a simple question, really...
photawl: But it's like I told Mandy.. We have something special, and I REFUSE to let someone take it..
EJ the DJ107: are you man enough to rise above and do your thing, or does it have to be about other people
EJ the DJ107: make a choice and stick to it
EJ the DJ107: stand your ground, look at them, shake your head, laugh it off, and walk away with her hand in yours
EJ the DJ107: it's nothing but a mattter of will
EJ the DJ107: besides - if any of those people cared thing 1 about you OR her, they'd be more careful with your feelings
EJ the DJ107: so clearly they don't matter
EJ the DJ107: and if they don't matter, why the FUCK are you sweating them?
photawl: You're right
EJ the DJ107: it's not about me being right though, john - it's just the truth
photawl: You're absolutely FUCKING right
EJ the DJ107: fuck 'em - fuck 'em in the ear, what the hell do they know?
photawl: Yeah
EJ the DJ107: are any of THEM really happy?
EJ the DJ107: do any of THEM have the answers?
EJ the DJ107: or anything for themselves?
EJ the DJ107: probably not - so they don't matter
EJ the DJ107: they're pathetic little instigators
EJ the DJ107: fuck 'em
photawl: Rock on, brother
EJ the DJ107: can i get a hallelujah?
EJ the DJ107: ::waves hands in the air::

(no subject)

Mojo Pin
Jeff Buckley

Well I'm lying in my bed
The Blanket is warm
This body will never be safe from harm
Still feel your hair, black ribbons of coal
Touch my skin to keep me whole...

If only you'd come back to me
If you laid at my side
Wouldn't need no Mojo Pin to keep me satisfied

Don't want to weep for you, I don't want to know
I'm blind and tortured, the white horses flow
The memories fire, the rhythms fall slow
Black beauty I love you so

Precious, precious silver and gold
and pearls in oyster's flesh
Drop down we two to serve and pray to love
Born again from the rhythm screaming down from heaven
Ageless, ageless and I'm there in your arms

The welts of your scorn, my love, give me more
Send whips of opinion down my back, give me more
Well it's you I've waited my life to see
It's you I've searched so hard for

Ladies And Gentlemen, We Have Here A Historic Moment

I was speechless. I was speechless.

We were laying there on my bed and I was holding him. I was thinking about how completely overwhelmed I was by the moment and the circumstances, and it happened. He looked me in the eye and kissed me and asked me what I was thinking... I looked him back in the eye and replied, "I don't have the words".

He's in Atlanta right now visiting a friend and seeing some people he's known for a while for the weekend. He told me that he was going to miss me while he was gone and I gave him my t-shirt I had been wearing that smelled like me and told him not to miss me too much - miss me just enough. He gave me the ring that he wears so I could do the same. I've been spinning it around my finger all night long.

It's strange in that it ISN'T strange how completely comfortable I am. Yes, it's only been a few days and I have a lot to learn and a lot to teach - but for the moment I'm very content. I would just rather we had more time. I'd rather have him with me doing absolutely nothing right now than being anywhere doing anything in the world that I could be doing. In a way, it's just as well for this weekend, I'm either at the station or at Riverfest and there wouldn't be any leftover time for me.

Finally, I meet someone that would actually consent to be seen with me in public. And would want to actively spend time with the people most important to me. And who understands how I feel about Maggie and Nathan and Cole. Someone Shane would have thought highly of and approved of for me.

I'm not sure what I did to be this lucky, but I'm grateful. Have a good weekend and come home safely on Sunday - I'll be the one waiting and grinning like the Cheshire Cat...



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