April 19th, 2002

Don't Wanna Hex Myself, But...

I did a remote last night at The Big City Club with Alekfor the First Annual Bartenders Ball. If it weren't for the fact that I REALLY hate going out, I'd go out more often because I did run into two old friends and made a new one. The old friend is Alan Andrews, whom I love dearly and who is one of those magical beings that you never ever want anything but the best of everything for. It was good to see him, he told me that he has a daughter now - the mother is no longer in the picture, but he's crazy about his daughter. He has really mellowed out a lot.

The other old friend is Andy Rich, Sarah's brother. She's still living in New Mexico, about to get her doctorate and start being a professor. I always thought Andy was pretty cool, but he said something to me last night that truly endeared himself to me. He hugged me and told me that he missed having me around, that he knew I loved his sister and that he understood. I looked at him with a rather shocked "Um, HUH?" kind of thing on my face, and he explained that he knew I loved Sarah like HE loved Sarah. I hugged him back, thanked him, and told him to call me with her email address so I could get back in touch with her. It would be really great to see her or at least talk to her again after all this time. Wow - that was almost 6 years ago. Sarah is amazing.

Then we move on to "Him". I won't say his name just yet, I don't want to hex myself. I'm not into skinny boys, they're really not my thing. I like a man's body that covers my own or at least gives me some kind of a challenge to flip over, you know? I need a guy with some fucking density, you know what I'm saying? "He" was hanging out at the place, and struck up a conversation with me because he listens to the radio and wanted to meet me. ::cringe:: But in this particular case, I really don't mind. The boy had that perfect combination of Beautiful AND Sexy as all hell at the same time - a feat that is not easy to achieve. His parents are Italian, so he has that great olive skin and coarse hair, hazel eyes that are kind of sad looking, and bright red lips that were just meant to be nibbled on. The fucker has the whitest teeth I've EVER seen in my life. And a smile that would make even the most prudish bitch drop trou and begged to be fucked six ways 'til Sunday. We talked for a while here and there in between remote spots, and he wound up going everywhere I went for a while so I decided it was time to flirt, which I did shamelessly, of course. Soon he let it be known that he'd "Done some stuff with a friend when he was 14, so I'm pretty sure that I'm at least Bi". If I were a different person, I'd have done the cabbage patch right there on the sidewalk in front of the van. I didn't really say much but gave him my number and told him he should call it. He smiled and agreed that he would. Whether or not I ever see or hear from him again is anyone's guess, and it's not like I care - but it would be nice to fuck with him some more.

The funny part was Alek. "Jude, you wouldn't REALLY go home with him, would you? I wouldn't peg him as your type." I laughed and explained that there are all types for me, you just have to catch me in the right mood. He told me that he thought I was desperate trying to pick up on this little skinny country boy. I told him that being desperate was not part of the equation with me where men are concerned, but thanks for being concerned.

Alek still thinks I have leftover "Daniel" issues, which is SO not the case. Daniel is more than out of my system and I'm not in the habit of looking back for emotional stuff. I'd still like to take him to Six Flags to ride a rollercoaster since he's never done that, but there's no hope of Daniel and I ever being a thing again. I might make him a fuckbuddy and be his friend, but that's where it would end.

Anyway, to look for love over your shoulder is waiting to crash into something harmful. And that thing might well have been good for you if you had been paying attention, but NO! You're looking into your past to either fix something or "try to understand it". BULLSHIT - once it is over, whether there are answers or not, closure or not, it doesn't matter in the "now". Flip it the bird, give it a good "Fuck Off", and keep right on walking. I swear, some people just put way too much importance on shit that is really insignificant in the long run and take themselves WAY too goddamned seriously. I'm not speaking of anyone specifically, but if that applies to anyone reading this, how about you smack the everliving shit out of yourself for me or remind me to do that next time I see you.
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