Brad Smith (jesus_h_biscuit) wrote,
Brad Smith
jesus_h_biscuit

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Time Flies When You're Flaming Fundies



Fundie: CAN I TALK TO U FOR A MINUTE
Me: Sure, I might have a minute to spare - shoot
Fundie: SOME OF THE THINGS U SAID N THERE MADE ME MAD T U
Me: I assume you meant "mad at you", yes?
Fundie: YES
Me: I see. And being that I don't know you I should be concerned with your emotional issues WHY?
Fundie: UR GOING 2 GO TO HELL 4 ALL ETERNITEY
Me: I swear, you'd think that being omnipotent and all God would at LEAST be somewhat selective about the typing skills of his minions and representatives.
Fundie: ARNEN'T U SCARED OF HELL - U SHOULD BE
Me: I'm as scared of hell as you are of punctuation, man.
Me: You have a point to make, have you not?
Fundie: WHY DID U TURN FROM GOD
Me: You're assuming that I ever turned to God in the first place, which I haven't. There is no such thing, and if there were, I wouldn't care.
Fundie: PROVE THAT GOD IS NOT REAL
Me: Did I come to a Christian chatroom professing that there was no God?
Fundie: PROVE IT
Me: No - I was in a chatroom for ATHEISTS - you're the one who believes in this fairytale, I'm not the one with something to prove.
Fundie: WHY SO ANGRY
Me: Who said I was angry?
Fundie: UR BEING VERY NASTY ABOUT THIS DISCUSSON
Me: Because it is boring, man!
Fundie: UR AFRAID OF THE TRUTH
Me: Oh please - you blindly serve a God you'll never ever see and this makes you the authority on reason?
Fundie: UR AN ASSHOLE
Me: Careful, profanity is not in keeping with good Christiandom.
Fundie: WHAT HAPPENED TO U TO MAKE U TURN FROM GOD
Me: I'm not an asshole, however I have it on good authority that I have asshole tendencies.
Fundie: GOD LOVES U
Me: Well, you tell him I said "Thanks".
Fundie: MOST EVERY1 DOES BELIEVE THO
Me: That doesn't make Christianity normal, just commonplace.
Fundie: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN U DIE THEN
Me: The same thing that happens when a lightbulb burns out.
Fundie: UR SICK
Me: Not for long, I'm taking a really strong decongestant.
Fundie: UR NOT FUNNY
Me: You know about this new version of AOL? The 9.0 version?
Fundie: YES I'M EXCITED
Me: WHOA! Is that an actual apostrophe? Clearly you ARE excited!
Fundie: LOL
Me: It's going to have some great features.
Fundie: I KNOW
Me: Are you on 8.0?
Fundie: YES
Me: Oh, rock on! That version does the coolest trick.
Fundie: WHAT TRICK
Me: Press the Control, Alt, & Delete keys at the same time and AOL will download a really pretty Jesus screensaver onto your computer, but you have to do it twice...
Tags: bitchslaps, fucktards, fundies, humor
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  • 17 comments

  • MRI Images

  • Peace From Broken Pieces

    Yesterday morning while trying to face being me right now (and that shit ain't easy, trust me) and have the courage to get out of bed and motivate…

  • The Most Beautiful Heartbreak

    Now and again something finds you when you most need it. Sometimes, if you're really lucky, that thing will open your eyes in a way they've never…