Brad Smith (jesus_h_biscuit) wrote,
Brad Smith

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Update on the past two days

I'm all alone here, it is very quiet. Almost unnervingly so. I suppose my life being as busy and noisy as it normally is I am just not accustomed to the quiet and the solace. I made an update about my experience at the Sugarland concert and seeing Jenn at Pride yesterday on my jennifernettles journal this morning while I was having coffee, but there is much much more to tell that has nothing to do with Jenn, so I decided I would make an update before the laziness I'm looking forward to later kicks in and I become something-or-other like Jabba the Hutt. Only without the slaves and that whole being evil thing. Was he evil? He was, wasn't he? I don't even know.

Maggie, Nathan and Avery left today at lunchtime for the beach. I tried for the past day to convince Avery that what she REALLY wanted was to stay home with me, but when it got down to the wire and I was holding her and kissing her bye-bye, she threw a monkey wrench in my whole program. I was standing in the doorway with her in my arms giving her kisses and asking her if she wanted to stay home with me, and she shook her head "No" and pointed one little plump finger at Maggie in the Altima and said "Car!" So I gave her to Maggie and said "Well get the hell on then, stank-ass!" and she giggled at me and blew me a kiss.

Before I go any further, I have to tell you something. I was reading Callie's journal earlier and something made me laugh out loud. She went to the post office somewhere near her house in LA and Little Richard was in line in front of her. She says that he looked exactly like he does in TV and was "...painted for the 5th floor balcony." I almost laughed my coffee out of my nose on reading that. She was in NYC this past weekend and while in her hotel room trying to fall asleep was flipping channels on the television and Soldier's Girl was playing. She said it was very surreal to see that and she turned it off before the ending so she could manage to actually GET sleep. I really wished she didn't live so far away, I want to give her a hug everytime I read something she's said like that.

Pride was an extraordinary experience, made better by the fact taht some of the people I'm closest to in the world got to experience it with me for the first time. This made me very happy and took away some of the sting of not having Damien there with me. There's always next year, though! Fred and his cronies/lapdogs/lackeys were strangely absent, which was a good thing - although I would really liked for him to see the t-shirt I made in his honor. Again, there's always next year! I took many many pictures and met a lot of new friends. I kept looking for the fundie with the billboard about Tolerance so I could extend my hand and tell them If you knew ANYTHING of Jesus, you'd know that he would be here marching alongside us RIGHT NOW, so put your money where your mouth is, take my hand and come with me or accept that you are a hypocrite."

I feel very calm right now, but still a bit sad. Today makes 3 years that Shane has been dead and I'm trying really hard not to think about it. I tried hard not to listen to the voice in my head when my family left earlier, but the truth is that when someone I know leaves to go on a trip I always get the most sick feeling in my stomach. I have had so many people close to me die that I never expect them to come back once they and I become grief stricken until I talk myself out of being that negative. I know, I know - it makes sense and it's a sad way to feel, but it passes eventually.

I'm going to enjoy my quiet time this evening, and I'm fine for those who might wonder. If you need me give me a ring, I'm only screening calls of the people I don't know. I might go out later after dinner and get coffee or sit someplace quiet and read, I haven't decided yet. I might just stay home and watch one of the movies I keep putting off watching and fall asleep on the couch. I've got the rest of the week to do that now, that's for sure!
Tags: vacation
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