Brad Smith (jesus_h_biscuit) wrote,
Brad Smith
jesus_h_biscuit

Sometimes, when it all gets too much, I let go and give in to my enormous wellspring of internal rage. I have to own that, it is my responsibility to manage it the best way I can and never let anyone I love be hurt by it. So sometimes, love is telling someone "...in my present mood I am liable to act irrationally and you are far too precious to me for me to risk that. I love you very much and I am unwilling to put you in a position where I will lash out at you and/or hurt you with anything I might say in anger. I love you enough to tell you to stay the hell away from me right now, because it is the kindest thing I can do for you. I will not willfully cause you harm. You can trust me, and not be afraid of me, but I have to go now and work this shit out so I can be a better man for you when I come right back - and I promise, I will come back."

I will not be like my parents and countless others that have failed before me. I might be fucked up sometimes, but I refuse to give in to my anger just because it is the quickest release valve I can get my hands on. The last "easiest thing" I chose was a needle, and that got me more heartache and regret than I can dispense of in my lifetime. Fuck making the easy choice. I'm queer as a $3 bill but I'm no pussy.
Tags: anger, introspection, knowing who you are, learning to cope, life lessons, love
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