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BACK DOOR BOY IN A FRONT DOOR WORLD
OUTSIDE OF SOCIETY - THAT'S WHERE I WANT TO BE
Sometimes, when it all gets too much, I let go and give in to my… 
19th-Jun-2003 10:03 am
Sometimes, when it all gets too much, I let go and give in to my enormous wellspring of internal rage. I have to own that, it is my responsibility to manage it the best way I can and never let anyone I love be hurt by it. So sometimes, love is telling someone "...in my present mood I am liable to act irrationally and you are far too precious to me for me to risk that. I love you very much and I am unwilling to put you in a position where I will lash out at you and/or hurt you with anything I might say in anger. I love you enough to tell you to stay the hell away from me right now, because it is the kindest thing I can do for you. I will not willfully cause you harm. You can trust me, and not be afraid of me, but I have to go now and work this shit out so I can be a better man for you when I come right back - and I promise, I will come back."

I will not be like my parents and countless others that have failed before me. I might be fucked up sometimes, but I refuse to give in to my anger just because it is the quickest release valve I can get my hands on. The last "easiest thing" I chose was a needle, and that got me more heartache and regret than I can dispense of in my lifetime. Fuck making the easy choice. I'm queer as a $3 bill but I'm no pussy.
Comments 
19th-Jun-2003 07:21 am (UTC) - ?
what happened??
19th-Jun-2003 07:35 am (UTC) - Re: ?
It doesn't matter what happened or didn't happen, that's not the point. I'm running a little too hot right now, so I'm taking time for myself. Would be the same thing as walking away from an argument before you say things you surely don't mean, only in my case I would mean to say those things and I would mean to hurt someone in saying them. So I wouldn't do that, I did this instead. My anger tries to get the best of me and now is one of those times - so as a result I tell people (except for the stupid people, they're on their own) to keep their distance from me until I mellow out. My parents never did this, and they were unspeakably cruel to each other and to myself and my sister sometimes - I will not be like that if I have the choice to do something else.
19th-Jun-2003 03:24 pm (UTC) - Re: ?
i understand. and it really is a sign of a great person who does admit that about himself and tries to spare other's unnessisary hurt.

you have always and WILL always have my utter respect!
19th-Jun-2003 07:33 am (UTC)
That's all well and good, but what do you do when they won't take the advice and keep hanging around trying to 'help'?

Me? I give them a taste of the wrath and a second warning. After that, all bets are off!
19th-Jun-2003 07:40 am (UTC)
If they don't leave after the first warning, then they asked for it. That's my policy anyway.
19th-Jun-2003 09:18 am (UTC)
. . . . . . . I'm staying away . . . . . . . . not gonna feel the wrath of Jude . . . . . . . . I value my life . . . . . .
19th-Jun-2003 09:31 am (UTC)
CLever girl you are!

::goes back to disposing of the bodies::
19th-Jun-2003 05:40 pm (UTC) - Re:
But I made you happy today!!!
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