Cole kept waking up last night scared about/of something or other, and I had to pacify him. The second time it happened he woke up Baby Of Wrath with his crying, so I had two children to console and put back to sleep in the middle of the night. Actually, I have no idea what time it was the second time, only that I was wide awake by this point. I lay in my bed thinking too much, as is customary when I'm woken from sleep (which is kind of a ridiculous thing for me to say - one doesn't get woken from being awake, afterall) trying to figure out why I cry sometimes for no real reason at all. Why do I feel so unhappy sometimes. Why is it I can be in a room full of people that I know and love and yet I feel like the lonliest person in the world.
This evening, after everyone gets home and settled, I'm getting on my bike and riding again. I'm starting to feel like my frustration is growing hands for the sole purpose of choking me. I hate this entire month so fucking much, you cannot imagine. Sometime soon I want to go the the cemeteries where Shane and Staci are buried, put these rose petals I've saved for the occaision on the graves, feel whatever is necessary for me to feel in order to leave some of it there, and never go back to those places again. Any friends who would like to go and support me are welcomed.
For anyone who is interested and doesn't know about it already, Columbus' Gay Pride is this upcoming weekend at Flat Rock Park. I'll try to post something about it if I can find anything. ::pauses to read Miss Avery a book:: Atlanta Pride is the 27th, 28th, & 29th of this month. We will be going up on the 29th (Sunday) for the parade march, but probably not staying as long as we did last year being that there's no bands or performers of interest.
Banquet of uncertainties, enriched with absolutes
The colors of my sanctity are as seasonal as fruit
Won't someone reveal me now and seat me at my table
To carve the beast of my frustration and devour if I'm able