Brad Smith (jesus_h_biscuit) wrote,
Brad Smith

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I've just seen the most amazing piece of film I've seen in a long, long time. It was a documentary piece called Questioning Faith: Confessions Of A Seminarian that came on HBO2. Absolutely brilliant. I'm going to record it next time it comes on and show it to everyone I know.

I've been wondering a lot lately about where some of my feelings and urges are coming from. I'm craving cigarettes SO BAD that I can hardly stand it, I have no idea where that is coming from. I've also been curious as to exactly why I feel such utter contempt and bitterness towards the mere idea of God in people's minds. It never really bothered me as much as it does now. I suppose it is because I just cannot understand why people believe and base their entire lives on something I feel is so completely warped and twisted. I mean, don't get me wrong - I support anyone's right to believe anything positive that gets them through a day, and if that's God then so be it - I just don't have any way whatsoever of relating to it is all. It is impossible for me to understand and it frustrates me. Maybe that's why I want to smoke, it's the weight of all this frustration that makes me want it.

I was feeling like complete crap earlier, but now I feel much better. I'm going to read from my book in a little while and see if I can't get to sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day, Mondays always are...
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