Brad Smith (jesus_h_biscuit) wrote,
Brad Smith

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This was a very long day, but we got many many things accomplished. Damien is all moved into his new space and it looks really great. I've taken a lot of time today to keep myself occupied, because when I don't stay busy I start thinking and that isn't doing me any good in my current state of mind.

Cheryl instant messaged me a few moments ago, it went like this:

Isis691: are we on speaking terms or no?
JudeBennett32: Cheryl, I don't know what to do anymore
Isis691: let me ask you this
Isis691: what do you want?
JudeBennett32: I honestly don't know that I'm in any frame of mind to know that right now...
JudeBennett32: I've worked for 2 days to get Damien moved...
Isis691: well, when you figure it out, please let me know
JudeBennett32: I've not slept in 2 days either and I feel very heavy in my heart - I don't know
Isis691: just let me know
Isis691: I think we all need some time right now
JudeBennett32: I will, I promise I will
JudeBennett32: I want you to know something
Isis691: yes?
JudeBennett32: all of you
JudeBennett32: I love you all dearly - I always have and always will...
Isis691: as we do you my dear
JudeBennett32: but I have a lot to sort out right now
JudeBennett32: maybe we all do
Isis691: I know
Isis691: I think so too
JudeBennett32: for the time being, we need distance to get safe space
Isis691: alright
Isis691: you know how to reach me when you feel you are ready to
JudeBennett32: i will
Isis691: good night
JudeBennett32: night

I was told earlier that Aimee feels I have ended our friendship because I didn't agree with her. Yes, that's EXACTLY it. It was all a matter of compromise apparently. Maybe sooner or later she will accept the real reasons instead of that non-reason.

I just don't know. If anyone is still pissed because I said what I said on LiveJournal instead of in person, remind yourselves that I already DID that two days before I made the post, thus inciting the anger necessary for me to write it in the first place. Remind yourselves that it is my journal, I'll say what I want to say on it. Remind yourselves that if you don't want to read what I have to say, no one is forcing you. If you're still pissed, go soak your head.

I just don't know. There is a big part of me that is still in shock and going "W h o a... You just made your love for me a weapon to punish me with!" on repeat. I can't get past that one thing just now. So I don't know.

I'm dirty as all hell, yet I'm too tired to even shower. My hair is way grown out too, I have to cut that off tomorrow. I'm hoping for quiet tomorrow, a day of quiet and peace. I'm going to get up and have my coffee, and take my time getting through the morning. Tomorrow is going to be a Jeff Buckley day.

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