Would everyone kindly adjust their respective schedules so that we may meet at the Lakebottom Bandshelter at noon this Sunday and once and for all put these things to rest. I ask that you bring with you a list of the things you want to say so that we may have a semblance of order, as everyone will get no more than 10 minutes to say what they want to say ~ after that, it will be over and done as a group and you will each be expected to go DIRECTLY to the person you have future problems with instead of discussing it with ANYONE else, lest I slay you ~ but not before fining you $5,000.00 for the foolish transgression. I'm officially enacting this in the form of Stupidity Tax™, so be told.
I want it know that I have expectations of everyone involved (excluding Nate, as he is the newest member of the "friends' circle" here and I personally don't know him to call him my friend). I expect that if you cannot resolve your issues with whomever after Sunday and/or by Monday, then you will have the sense to sever all ties with that person. This means:
- you will have nothing to do with them from that point on
- you forfeit your right to talk shit about that person, EVER AGAIN*
- you will make the declaration that this person is dead to you, and that all future attempts at reconciliation will be heretofore null and void
- you accept that if you cannot resolve these issues with one another and resume your friendships, friendships I have personally witnessed evolution of for a long time, that I will lose a lot of respect for you and find it difficult if not impossible to take you seriously from now on
I'm emailing this to each of you, I expect a reply by tomorrow afternoon.