High pain day, very frustrating with misfiring major nerves.
Scared of this pending surgery and recovery for months
that is only 1/3 of my chronic and sometimes debilitating physical and psychological pain.
Aching for people I love now sleeping soundly 2,200 miles away
who love and sustain me on levels
that I won't get to see again and hold in my arms again until Spring
who help make it all better than the high dosages of 6 different medications daily, 9 pills total each day
making me FUCKING crazy.
Alone in the dark and stillness.
Thrashing in pain and unable to be comfortable no matter what I do
and I don't have a brave face left just to skate on pride with to feel in control of my body again.
Crying and sobbing
because sometimes this shit is just too hard
and I passed my limit for it months ago.
Because I'm being a whiny candyass.
JE SUIS LA FEH!