Brad Smith (jesus_h_biscuit) wrote,
Brad Smith

A-Ha Moment

I just had a significant moment, another "WHOA. HOLY SHIT, I'M *THAT* GUY NOW... FUUUUCK ME RUNNIN'!" moment to add to the growing arsenal. I say these things to honor a moment, not to complain and not to air grievances unsettled - but sometimes a person can only take so much, you know? I live with the absolute love of my life in our idea of paradise (literally a desert oasis - the backyard has Phoenix's largest man-made lake, three blocks from the desert) and we are happy with our lives and our life. Who really gets that fortunate? Who can really say what I just said, and how many do you know personally? That's some serious fucking shit right there. I have nothing to complain about, and it's a waste of precious time better spent on being the best, most kind and compassionate man I'm able to be. I will not squander that on one more second of grief I've chosen and appropriated for myself, fuck that shit, I've done as much of that bullshit as I'm ever doing again.

I'm settling in for the evening, and I go to take the nighttime meds when I take inventory of the AM and PM medications for this pillbox (which doesn't have space for the mid-afternoon meds) to make sure I'm as diligent about this as possible - because tonight I'm starting the newest addition to the pharmaceutical slave trade in my daily diet, and as I'm preparing to now take 4 pills at night instead of the usual three, which already cause me to question my own sanity during this dosage adjustment, it occurs to me - pills in one hand and green tea in the other - I'm THAT guy now. I made it to 40 years old, which is astonishing on levels. I never imagined I'd be that guy and certainly never wanted to be him, so I've got this new shit to deal with now, right? NOPE! Fuck that, don't have time. Because 1. This is only for a time, and not the rest of my life, and nothing is taking my attention away from my path. 2. I don't really have a 2, so suck it. ;-)

So I'm that guy now, and you know what? SO what. That's right, so - fuckin' - what. Kiss the fattest part of my ass, 'that guy' - don't get comfortable because you are here on borrowed time as it is.

I got stuff to do now, dig?

Tags: perspective
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