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Checking In &/or Comfortably Numb Resurrection  
26th-Oct-2011 11:16 pm

Maybe this can be my outlet again to vent and get it out. I'm in Phoenix, after all, maybe a little rebirth here is in order.

I want all the great things that ground me to mean what they used to again, instead of living day to day with chronic, sometimes debilitating and unrelenting pain from spinal damage that makes me not notice those things with the same vigor. Instead I hobble around like a man twice my age at 40 and I miss my friends and sisters and brothers so much I'm aching from it. I want to be able to cope with being on so many different medications as a result that I have a panic disorder, a separate anxiety disorder, and I'm back on bi-polar meds again. Then there's Neurontin, Flexeril, Trazodone, Xanax... My whole life now is in 3 separate pill boxes for AM meds, early PM and Bedtime - divided by 6 different doctors, 4 of whom are specialists. yeah, I'm THAT fucking guy right now. I swear sometimes I'm losing my sanity, no joke. I need all that stuff back.

Despite this vile treachery, I must say that I'm still feeling every inch of this GQ motherfucker right here:

May I present the brand-newly-bespectacled Professor Biscuit; "How may I fuck the taste out of your mouth this evening?" I'm wondering as I'm thoroughly eye-fucking you... Yes, damnit, I'm rocking the SHIT out of these new glasses. Whole new level of confidence I never saw coming. It's so ridiculously narcissistic, I know, but I'm starting to LOOK like the kind of guys I want to fuck. And I'm married to *T*H*E* perfect man, making a life with the love of mine in our idea of paradise. No shit, we literally live on a desert oasis, where out front stretches the desert to the Pacific, and out back is a huge lake, surrounded by cactus and palm trees for 400 miles or more. So good shit is outweighing the bad, and in spite of everything I have a fucking amazing life and I would take this pain and more before I take that for granted.

So how are you motherfuckers?
27th-Oct-2011 07:16 am (UTC)
Had a difficult ad stressful day, but a relatively easy one. Thank you for the perspective. Keep on rockin' i!
27th-Oct-2011 06:10 pm (UTC)
I think I have postpartum depression. I guess being in a good head space can be fleeting?

Either way, those glasses are tres bien! You look absolutely smashing.
27th-Oct-2011 08:21 pm (UTC)
Stressed and overwhelmed. But hey, I chose to be a graduate student and to juggle two jobs :)
27th-Oct-2011 08:53 pm (UTC)
Damn, I just came in my pants. LOL
28th-Oct-2011 03:13 am (UTC)
I'm still cussing my spinal surgery aftermath and hating so much life as a result, but you totally pwn the specs.
28th-Oct-2011 04:13 am (UTC)
I have a panic disorder, a separate anxiety disorder, and I'm back on bi-polar meds

I have all 3 of these things as well, though it sounds like you're saying you've developed these problems as a result of having to be on so many other meds? Am I reading that right? The panic and anxiety can be nightmarish to deal with, so I'm sorry you're having to deal with it. Being bipolar... well, not much I can do there besides medicate, since it's not like it ever goes away.

I just finished a year stint of being completely unmedicated, due to total medical incompetence, so being back on meds has been a relief. Sorry you need to go the other way to feel better, what a mess. :\
29th-Oct-2011 02:58 am (UTC)
still trying to graduate, now as a jaded graduate student.

awesome specs!

Sorry to hear about the spine issues =(
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