Brad Smith (jesus_h_biscuit) wrote,
Brad Smith

Checking In &/or Comfortably Numb Resurrection


Maybe this can be my outlet again to vent and get it out. I'm in Phoenix, after all, maybe a little rebirth here is in order.

I want all the great things that ground me to mean what they used to again, instead of living day to day with chronic, sometimes debilitating and unrelenting pain from spinal damage that makes me not notice those things with the same vigor. Instead I hobble around like a man twice my age at 40 and I miss my friends and sisters and brothers so much I'm aching from it. I want to be able to cope with being on so many different medications as a result that I have a panic disorder, a separate anxiety disorder, and I'm back on bi-polar meds again. Then there's Neurontin, Flexeril, Trazodone, Xanax... My whole life now is in 3 separate pill boxes for AM meds, early PM and Bedtime - divided by 6 different doctors, 4 of whom are specialists. yeah, I'm THAT fucking guy right now. I swear sometimes I'm losing my sanity, no joke. I need all that stuff back.

Despite this vile treachery, I must say that I'm still feeling every inch of this GQ motherfucker right here:

May I present the brand-newly-bespectacled Professor Biscuit; "How may I fuck the taste out of your mouth this evening?" I'm wondering as I'm thoroughly eye-fucking you... Yes, damnit, I'm rocking the SHIT out of these new glasses. Whole new level of confidence I never saw coming. It's so ridiculously narcissistic, I know, but I'm starting to LOOK like the kind of guys I want to fuck. And I'm married to *T*H*E* perfect man, making a life with the love of mine in our idea of paradise. No shit, we literally live on a desert oasis, where out front stretches the desert to the Pacific, and out back is a huge lake, surrounded by cactus and palm trees for 400 miles or more. So good shit is outweighing the bad, and in spite of everything I have a fucking amazing life and I would take this pain and more before I take that for granted.

So how are you motherfuckers?
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