Brad Smith (jesus_h_biscuit) wrote,
Brad Smith

This Week In Bachmann Lunacy

For Michele Bachmann, another week at the top of the heap made for a lot of repetition. She's still beefing with Tim Pawlenty. She's still at war with gay people, because they keep "harassing" the Family Bachmann for being constantly hostile to their interests. As a result, she's still affixing her signature to every anti-gay pledge she can get her hands on, and dodging questions about her family business of ex-gay crank therapy. She's also still terrified of modernity -- high-quality, energy-efficient lightbulbs that save ordinary people money and fast-moving trains that save ordinary people time remain existential threats to America, and freedom, as far as she's concerned.

That doesn't mean that the week didn't contain some new spice. Jon Huntsman, for example, scandalized himself when he called Bachmann "photogenic." So, that happened, in America.

Also happening in America, of course, was the final act of the Debt Ceiling Kabuki, a matter that compelled Bachmann to leave Iowa and return to Washington in order to participate in the end of functional government, forever. Of course, the deal that was wrought was not good enough for Bachmann. She cast her vote against it on the grounds that the end of functional government wasn't sufficient unless it was combined with a default that would also cause the end of the global economy. To make up for her absence, Bachmann spent money on an Iowa ad buy, where she reminded Iowans that she would have preferred that whole destruction-of-civilization-through-a-Treasury-default outcome, "Believe it!"

Yes, heroes, it's always worth remembering that Bachmann just doesn't have even an elementary grasp of economic basics. And she's taken the appropriate steps to ensure her grasp of foreign affairs matches her grasp of the domestic, by signing professional anti-Muslim crankjob Frank Gaffney as an adviser. (Gaffney trusts Bachmann to identify and eliminate the Muslim Brotherhood infiltration of America, don't you know! Maybe they will also fight poltergeists, and capture the chupacabra as well!)

But in this day and age, all of this makes her all the more endearing to the GOP base. There seems to be only one thing that could erode her support, and that's if Rick Perry decides to jump into the race. Polls that treat Perry as a serious possiblity continue to return decent results for the Texas governor. Quinnipiac, for example, finds Perry cutting into Bachmann's support fairly significantly in the critical state of Florida. This is why Bachmann's campaign manager Ed Rollins is asking Perry to please, please, please "stay in Texas" -- forever, if need be.

Source: HuffPo

And this, my fellow Americans, is who will be doing her best to continue amassing support amongst the majority of us who are terminally stupid, arrogant, willfully blind oxygen thieves. Consequently, this is also why I am convinced that the majority of people in this country are fucking stupid, mouth-breathing, hyperreligious cretins that I wouldn't trust to run a goddamned lemonade stand.
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